Alternate History: Imagine If King David Had Been a Liberal

Written by John DeGroff on June 22, 2018

Let’s take a satirical look at what happens when modern liberalism touches anything. Anyone who even haphazardly pays attention to American politics has had to eventually notice this. While the left/Democrats/socialists constantly call themselves “progressives”, they are anything but. It’s completely oxymoronic to regard and/or call the policies and thinking of the left “progressive”. Rather than progressing forward, with the left the opposite always happens. Just look at the current state of race relations. We’re now more racially polarized than before the work of Dr. King and the Civil Rights movement of the 1960s.

More and more, Americans are starting to see how regressive we’ve become because of the left. Since the 2016 election, the liberal ability to create chaos and ruin everything it touches has been on constant display. So with that premise established, let’s take a look at how modern liberals/Democrats/socialists would have destroyed a central character of Biblical history…King David.

While David is a central figure in the Old Testament, he is also central to Christianity. The human lineage of Christ Jesus is traced directly to David. In the New Scofield Reference Bible, there is this note at the beginning of the Gospel of Matthew: Written originally for the Jews, The Gospel of Matthew presents Christ as the Son of David and the Son of Abraham. Because He is portrayed as King, His genealogy is traced to King David, and the place of his birth, Bethlehem, the home of David…only in Matthew does Christ speak of the throne of his glory…the word kingdom appears more than fifty times…

In Luke’s Gospel, 3:23-38, the genealogy of Mary, a direct descendant of the line of David, is listed. This, too, helps to establish Christ’s claim as “King” while he lived in this world.

The various events of David’s life that are well known are the kind of thing that liberals have a field day with. The first mention of David is found in 1 Samuel16:6-13. This is reference to when David was anointed by Samuel to be the future king. In the same chapter, v. 14-23, David’s skill as a musician is mentioned. He was sent to the court of King Saul to comfort him with music when the king was bothered by evil spirits.

Now, had David been a musician today, his music would have had to be pre-approved so as not to cause any “offense”, or contain any “offensive lyrics”. All of his Psalms that he later composed would not have been allowed because…guess what…they were not inclusive of the local pagan gods. No, liberals would not have allowed any music that wasn’t suitable for all religions.

Perhaps the best known story concerning David is found in the next chapter of 1 Samuel, chapter 17. This is the story of David killing Goliath. There are two instances in this account that would have deeply troubled liberals. The first was where David himself mentioned that as a shepherd, he had to kill both a lion and a bear in order to protect the sheep. Well, that certainly wouldn’t have sat well with the PETA crowd. Lions and bears have rights and were only doing what was natural so that they, too, could survive. Besides, what’s a sheep or two when you have an entire flock? Where’s David’s compassion for wild animals?

The second instance involves the Philistines themselves. Weren’t they a persecuted minority in their own land? After all, when God gave the promised land to Moses and the Israelites, there were already people living there. Isn’t this one of the first instances of a sort of colonialism that treats native populations unfairly? After all, what gives the Jews the right to just move in?

And if David was a liberal, why would he have anything to do with the army in the first place? Where’s your compassion for the enemy? Where’s the decency of leading from behind and using diplomacy instead of violence? And that beheading thing…could not have happened.

Okay, continuing with this unreasonable reasoning, let’s assume that David did somehow ascend to the throne. Forget all that stuff about hiding out in caves. That was probably just his personal version of the “occupy” movement.

As king, David was well known to be something of a womanizer. He had several wives, but only eight are actually named in scripture. The most famous incident involving a woman and King David is found in 2 Samuel 11:1-27. Bathsheba was married to Uriah, the Hittite, who was known as a brave warrior. One night, King David saw her bathing and lusted after her. He had her brought to him, and well… knocked her up. (Let’s just be blunt.)

He found out who her husband was and tried to get him to be with his wife to cover up the fact he had been with her. When Uriah refused more than once, the king eventually had him sent into the worst part of the fighting. Uriah was killed. Naturally, after a period of proper mourning, David took Bathsheba as his wife.

We’re probably all familiar with the grittiness of this story. Here’s the take-a-ways had David been a liberal. First of all, the #MeToo movement would gone ballistic had this become known. But, since he’s the king (i.e. an elite) he could have gotten by for a while. Had Bill Clinton been alive then, David would have gotten a high five and the two would probably have sat down and compared body counts. After all, it’s not every day you can have someone killed just so you can get laid.

But I digress…

David’s real sin was not killing. He was celebrated in song and dance as “…having killed his ten thousands…”. (1 Sam. 18:7, 21:11; 29:5). No, his sin was the abuse of his God-given power and authority as King in order to pursue his own lust. It’s tempting to think, “Well, yeah…that certainly sounds like a good liberal, doesn’t it?”

Remember this, though. The first reference to David, while not in name specifically, is 1 Samuel 13:14: “The Lord hath sought him a man after his own heart…” While David’s sin was public and degrading, he did repent and he did pay a price for his sin. That did not stop God from using him.

I know this is a meandering, satirical look at how liberals would probably like to see scripture unfold.
Given the chance, they’d want to do away with anything Christian, or Jewish, entirely. But they won’t. In spite of the trials and rough times…we’ve already won. (“I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13)

photo credit: Excerpted from: ScotchBroom The David in all his glory via photopin (license)

John DeGroff
John DeGroff is the original bass player for the Christian rock band Petra. He currently plays for the band GHF which is comprised of other original members from Petra. DeGroff has extensive experience as a freelance music journalist and newspaper reporter as well as an on-line music reviewer. He is a member of the Gospel Music Hall of Fame and lives in Warsaw, Indiana where he is employed as a care giver for mentally challenged adults.