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News Clash

Sleepy Joe Is Going On A ‘No Malarkey’ Tour — No, This Is Not Satire

Joe thinks that the new slogan is the bee’s knees, so he had it painted on his campaign bus.

Cue the “OK Boomer” comments from anyone younger than Biden.

Seriously, how old are his campaign advisors — 136?!

Give or take.

It depends on which grandfather it was that used to say “malarkey” all of the time. If it was his maternal grandfather, Ambrose J. Finnegan, then yes 136 would be correct. If it was his paternal grandfather, Joseph H. Biden, then it would only be around 126; a real spring chicken next to Ambrose, right?

Joe admits that he got the inspiration for his “No Malarkey” tour from his Irish grandfather, which makes it more likely that it’s Ambrose Finnegan who used the phrase.

“Back in my day, campaign slogans used to actually mean something, dagnabbit!”

Way to nab that youth vote, Joe. Nothing says “I’m not decrepit” like the word “malarkey.”

Joe’s been sounding pretty old lately, and this new slogan is just making him look positively ancient.

Since he launched his campaign, Sleepy Joe has been slurring his way through the nomination contest with some nonsensical blather about pomade, Esther Williams, record players, and haberdashers while not knowing the difference between visiting a website and a number to which one would send a text message.

Sleepy Joe has always been a gaffe machine, but his memory seems to actually be failing.

And in the new “woke” era, he’s got some views on race that some to his left are calling “problematic.”

In other news, Joe has moved from sniffing to nibbling…

Ok, so that was just a playful moment with his wife after she nearly smacked him in the face.

But even that would make a better campaign slogan.

See? That would be epic. He’d clinch both the vampire and the Goth voting blocks and let’s be honest — they’ve been ignored for far too long.

And just think of the wardrobe! He’d have to find a good haberdasher.

You don’t buy an opera cape off the rack. That’s so gauche!

K. Walker

ClashDaily's Associate Editor since August 2016. Self-described political junkie, anti-Third Wave Feminist, and a nightmare to the 'intersectional' crowd. Mrs. Walker has taken a stand against 'white privilege' education in public schools. She's also an amateur Playwright, former Drama teacher, and staunch defender of the Oxford comma. Follow her humble musings on Twitter: @TheMrsKnowItAll and on Gettr @KarenWalker