British comedian Ricky Gervais hosted the Golden Globes and he went all-in on his jokes. At times the audience was quite uncomfortable.
He began by saying that he doesn’t care anymore and feigned that he was going to be phoning it in for the evening.
Gervais mocked NBC and the Hollywood Foreign Press for selecting him for the job.
From the alleged racism of awards shows to Felicity Huffman’s stint in the clink, from Leonardo DiCaprio’s penchant for younger women to Apple’s sweatshops in China, and from Harvey Weinstein’s predations to Jeffrey Epstein’s suicide, nothing was off-limits.
The opening speech was hilarious but there was about a minute of it that hinted at the things that were to come. Gervais mocked the celebrities themselves.
GERVAIS: You’ll be pleased to know this is the last time that I’m hosting these awards. I don’t care anymore. I’m just joking — I never did. NBC clearly don’t care either — fifth time. I mean, Kevin Hart was fired from the Oscars for some offensive tweets — hello! Lucky for me that the Hollywood Foreign Press can barely speak English and they’ve no idea what Twitter is, so I got offered this gig by FAX.
Let’s go out with a bang and let’s have a laugh at your expense. Shall we? Remember they’re just jokes and we’re all gonna die soon and there’s no sequel. So, yeah. Remember that.
You all look lovely all dolled up, you came here in your limos. I came here in a limo and the license plate was made by Felicity Huffman. It’s her daughter I feel sorry for. That must be the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to her. And her dad was in ‘Wild Hogs,’ so…
Lots of big celebrities here tonight. Legends, I mean, icons. This table over here alone — Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro, Baby Yoda… oh, no, that’s Joe Pesci, sorry. I love you man, don’t have me whacked.
Tonight isn’t just about the people in front of the camera. In this room are some of the most important TV and film executives in the world, people from every background, but they all have one thing in common: they’re all terrified of Ronan Farrow. He’s coming for you. He’s coming for you. Look, talking of all you perverts, it was a big year, it was big year for pedophile movies, Surviving R. Kelly, Leaving Never Land, Two Popes. Shut up, shut up, I don’t care, I don’t care.
Many talented people of color were snubbed in major categories. Unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do about that, the Hollywood Foreign Press are all very, very racist. Fifth time. We were going to do an “In Memoriam” this year, but when I saw the list of people that had died, it wasn’t diverse enough. It was mostly white people and I thought, “Nah, not on my watch.” Maybe next year. Let’s see what happens.
No one cares about movies anymore, no one goes to the cinema, no one watches network TV. Everyone’s watching Netflix. This show should just be me coming out, going, “Well done Netflix, you win everything. Good night.”
But no, we drag it out three hours, you could binge-watch the entire first season of Afterlife instead of watching this show. That’s a show about a man who wants to kill himself because his wife dies of cancer and it’s still more fun than this. Okay, spoiler alert, season two is on the way, so in the end, obviously he didn’t kill himself – just like Jeffrey Epstein. Shut up, I know he’s your friend, but I don’t care. You had to make your own way here, your own plane, didn’t you? Right.
Seriously, most films are awful — lazy, remakes … sequels. I’ve heard a rumor that there might be a sequel to Sophie’s Choice. I mean, that would be Meryl Streep going, “Well, it’s got to be this one, then.”
All the best actors have jumped to Netflix and HBO and the actors that are left to do Hollywood movies now do fantasy adventure nonsense. They wear masks and capes and really tight costumes. Their job isn’t acting anymore, it’s going to the gym twice a day and taking steroids, really. Have we got an award for Most Ripped Junkie? No. No point, we know who would win that.
Martin Scorsese, the greatest living director, made the news for his controversial comments about the Marvel franchise. He said that they’re not real cinema and they remind him of theme parks. I agree. Although I don’t know what he’s doing hanging around theme parks, he’s not big enough to go on the rides. He’s tiny. Right. The Irishman was amazing. It was. It was great. Long, but amazing.
It wasn’t the only epic movie. Once Upon A Time In Hollywood — nearly three hours long. Leonardo DiCaprio attended the premiere and, by the end, his date was too old for him. Even Prince Andrew is like, “Come on Leo, mate. You know. You’re nearly 50, son.”
The world got to see James Corden as a fat p*ssy. He was also in the movie Cats but no one saw that. And the reviews, ah, shocking! I read one that said that this is the worst thing to happen to cats since dogs. But Dame Judi Dench defended the film saying it was the role she was born to play because she — I can’t do this next joke — because she loves nothing better than plunking herself down on the carpet, lifting her leg, and licking her own *CENSORED* Furball, furball. She’s old-school. It’s the last time, who cares?
Apple roared into the TV game with The Morning Show, a superb drama about the importance of dignity and doing the right thing, made by a company that runs sweatshops in China. So, well, you say you’re “woke,” but the companies you work for –- I mean, unbelievable, Apple, Amazon, Disney. If ISIS started a streaming service, you would call your agent, wouldn’t you? So if you do win an award tonight, don’t use it as a platform to make a political speech, right? You’re in no position to lecture the public about anything. You know nothing about the real world. Most of you spent less time in school than Greta Thunberg. So, if you win, come up, accept your little award, thank your agent and your god, and f**k off. It’s already three hours long.
Ricky Gervais just gave the best opening speech at the #GoldenGlobes ever.
He absolutely DESTROYED Hollywood. pic.twitter.com/byRej81Xo0
— Benny (@bennyjohnson) January 6, 2020
He made a Harvey Weinstein joke later in the show where the celebrities were the punchline:
He did it. The absolute mad man did it.
“…Bird Box, a movie where people survive by acting like they don’t see a thing, so like working for Harvey Weinstein.”pic.twitter.com/toOtUFRD2R
— Greg Price (@greg_price11) January 6, 2020
When it comes to not giving a crap about what anyone thinks, that man is an absolute legend!
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