DOCE: The Department of Church Efficiency

I love beholding Trump and Elon’s DOGE department waylay ridiculous programs and people. It gives me the warm and fuzzies to watch the wankers on the Left caterwaul when Musk nukes their multimillion-dollar grifts. It’s a simple pleasure, fo’ sho’. That said, and in keeping with the spirit of cleaning house, I think Christians should crank up a similar axe-wielding office called DOCE, The Department of Church Efficiency. Herewith are a few things I believe should go into the ecclesiastical wood-chipper.

1. Politically Correct/Woke pastors who fear men more than God.
2. Effeminate worship leaders whose hair puts the gel in evangelicalism.
3. Pastors who pushed the jab during the damned days of Fauci.
4. Pastors who went along with the COVID mandates, pushed masks and social distancing, and/or shut down their church because a little Mayor McCheese told them to.
5. Insanely extravagant Christmas and Easter pageants.
6. Pastors with “church” yachts and G700s.
7. Skinny jeaned preachers.
8. Elders who’re only appointed because they’re wealthy and politically active not because they fulfill the scriptural mandates for overseers.
9. Churches that cover up pedophiles.
10. Pastors who paint Jesus as a little do-gooder wuss.
11. Carpy and gossipy Jezebel Bible studies.
12. Youth Groups that don’t teach Westminster’s Shorter Catechism.
13. Pastors who embraced open borders and cultural Marxism.
14. ProAbortion and ProTrans churches.
15. Christian TV that talks about money all the time.
16. Preachers who imitate Jimmy Fallon instead of John the Baptist.
17. Christian music that you cannot discern whether they’re singing about Jesus or their boyfriend.
18. Mission trips that have no mission other than the harvesting of fresh Instagram pics from exotic spots.
19. Mannish-looking, tiny lesbian ‘pastors’ that feel the need to lecture Trump on crap they know squat about.
20. Christian magazines that are given millions by USAID to hate on Trump and us po’ rubes in the flyover states.
21. Churches, pastors, and priests that are owned by the Cartel and are a front for trafficking humans.

This list is obviously incomplete. What else would you add to it to shore up the Body of Christ? Enjoy and share.

(Featured image generated by Grok AI)

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