The Following is Satire.
Tuesday, August 20th, 2013,
(WASHINGTON) — President Obama has received much criticism from both the Right and Left over the number and length of the vacations he and his family take. But now such criticism and condemnations of Obama’s habitual taxpayer-funded getaways have worn on the President to the point where he can no longer deny it: Obama is suffering from an addiction, the likes of any other drug addict… to vacations.
While returning from his latest vacation to Massachusetts’ classy Martha’s Vineyard, the White House announced Sunday that the President will be entering a professional rehabilitation facility for his vacation addiction, making Obama the first U.S. president in history to go into “rehab” for anything (not that others shouldn’t have).
A somber Deputy White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest (i.e. “trav sec”) told reporters Sunday that the President will be receiving “intense evaluation and treatment for his ‘vaca’ compulsion,” beginning next Friday after work.
“The President is aware of the constant (criticism) of his vacation–taking, and has finally come to realize that he has a problem,” Earnest said to reporters aboard Air Force One Sunday afternoon. “And we’re proud of him. After all, the first step to overcoming addiction is to admit one has a problem. And the President has done that. It’s a very brave, bold step by him. America should be proud of him.”
From Martha’s Vineyard, to Hawaii, Aspen, Orlando, etc., Obama has spent an estimated 16,755,000 dollars on vacations since taking office; a most costly addiction, to be sure.
The President has been approached before by close friends and staff who have suggested he may be suffering from “vacation addiction,” but firmly dismissed such suggestions. “I don’t have any more of an addiction to visiting extravagant locations for some downtime as Janis Joplin did to heroin,” the President reportedly snapped to one concerned White House staffer, who wished to remain anonymous. “…Now, have you booked my suite yet at Caesar’s Palace, or do I have to do everything around here myself?!”
According to Deputy Press Secretary Earnest, the President is very embarrassed, yet relieved, to come to such a long awaited and difficult decision to seek professional help, in an age where any public figure’s slightest meltdowns or misbehavior is automatically dealt with — and thus presumably excused — via a stint in “rehab.”
Added Earnest, Sunday, “…Not only should the nation be proud Mr. Obama is finally dealing with his addiction, but even more proud of where he chose to seek help. It’s undoubtedly the best addiction treatment center in the world: the Bahamas’ Atlantis Resort and Spa!”
Indeed, the world famous 142-acre Atlantis Resort and Spa has unexpectedly grown renowned for their new “addiction recovery center,” located just a couple-hundred yards away from its beautiful white sand beaches, boat and scuba equipment rental house, impeccably glorious pools, waterslides, massage parlors, spas, jacuzzis, its roaring 24-hour nightclubs and bars, cigar lounges, and nearly a stone’s throw away from its immaculate and enormous 18-hole golf course. The resort also sports numerous mini-golf courses, too, making it undoubtedly the world’s most reliable destination for anyone seeking a cure from any addiction, particularly “vacation addiction,” like Mr. Obama.