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THE PROBLEM WITH THE GOP IS …

John Gacy for a lift!
Hannibal Lecter for dinner!
Thelma and Louise to drive!

Asking Paul Begala to direct our steps is like asking:
Richard Dawkins to open in prayer!
Ho Chi Minh to sing the National Anthem!
Charlie Sheen to speak at commencement! Duh, Winning!

Kim Kardashian to a Vugo ceremony!
Chris Christie to be your personal trainer!
Jerry Sandusky to lead a Boy Scout troop!

Basing our future on the integrity of Chuck Schumer is like asking:
Bill Clinton for a cigar!
Gollum to hold your ring!
Michael Jackson to hold your baby!

OJ Simpson to keynote a marriage seminar!
Sheila Jackson Lee to head Homeland Security!
Rob Bell to write the forward for Dante’s Inferno!

Expecting results from the “good will” of liberals is like asking:
A Saudi woman for her driver’s license!
Planned Parenthood for a mammogram!
Greg “Gaylord” Focker to ‘say grace’! BOOM!

Pat Robertson for marital advice! 
Mayor Bloomberg to pass the salt!
Mr. Pink to tip! (Well, in all fairness, Mr. Pink did chip in a buck.) 

Expecting victory to rise from the advice of a sworn enemy is like asking:
Snooki to do your algebra!
Cruella Deville to dog-sit!
Hillary to secure an Embassy!
Huma, how she keeps her man interested!

The Great Santini to go “one on one”!
Bernie Madoff to invest your life savings!
The scorpion if he wants a piggyback ride!

And finally, asking liberal Democrats to detail “What’s wrong with the Republican Party” and “How we make it right” is like asking … John McCain!

Image: Source: Flickr; author: Alex; Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license

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John Kirkwood

John Kirkwood is a son of Issachar. He is a Zionist, gun-toting, cigar-smoking, incandescent light bulb-using, 3.2 gallon flushing, fur-wearing, Chinese (MSG) eating, bow-hunting, SUV driving, unhyphenated American man who loves his wife, isn't ashamed of his country and does not apologize for his Christianity. He Pastors Grace Gospel Fellowship Bensenville, where "we the people" seek to honor "In God we Trust." He hosts the Christian wake up call IN THE ARENA every Sunday at noon on AM 1160 and he co-hosts UnCommon Sense, the Christian Worldview with a double shot of espresso on UncommonShow.com. He is the proud homeschooling dad of Konnor, Karter and Payton and the "blessed from heaven above" husband of the Righteous and Rowdy Wendymae.