An Individual Mandate For the Rest of Us

Written by Luke Hamilton on July 25, 2012

It’s time for a new Mandate. Why should the Progressives have all the compulsory fun? When President Romney takes his hand off of the Book of Mormon next January, the first two words out of his mouth should be “Mandate. Yesterday.”

It’s a simple concept, and now 100% constitutional! I believe it’s time for a Self-Preservation Mandate. There are far too many people falling victim to growing numbers of predators in this country and the police can’t be everywhere at once. This is only going to get worse as cities are forced to shutter services and cut back on existing police budgets. Cities all across this country are failing. Michigan and California have millions of citizens living in bankrupt villages and towns and Illinois is close behind. The time is now. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.

Under the Self-Preservation Mandate, every American citizen is required to purchase a firearm and ammunition for their own protection. It’s time for Americans to be forced to take care of themselves once again.

As a gun-owner myself, I’m tired of paying a “hidden premium” for those folks who don’t have adequate protection. Every year we need more police officers working more overtime with more gear because folks aren’t willing to exercise their 2nd Amendment rights. It’s worth mentioning that lately some of these police departments are experiencing a bit of mission creep. Do local cops really need drones..? Not after the Self-Protection Mandate, they won’t!

Here are some FAQs:
• “I already own a firearm. How does this affect me?”
o Under the Self-Preservation Mandate, if you like your firearm coverage you can keep it. The last thing we want to do is to get between a gun owner and his arms dealer.
• “I have a moral objection to guns.”
o Child, puhleeze. Haven’t you watched the news lately? Objections of conscience are sooo 1971. There are no moral objections allowed if the welfare of millions of Americans is at stake, right Mr. President?
• “Firearm is a pretty vague term. What qualifies?”
o You’ll soon notice that there will be Firearm Exchanges set up all around the country, more commonly known as “gun shows”. Folks who staff these Exchanges will be more than happy to help explain your options and help you find the protection plan which is just right for you.
• “My 22-year-old son can’t be trusted with a garage door remote. Now, you’re telling me he has to arm himself?”
o Children can be covered under their parents’ firearm protection until the age of 26. In other words, you have 4 years to do what you’ve failed to do in 22.
• “I’ve been a pacifist for so long, I’m not even sure if my wrists are firm enough to hold a firearm. Where do I even start??”
o You should begin by putting down your lute and turning the sound down on General Hospital, sir. It’s precisely for folks like you that this Mandate was designed. There are newborn kittens which are less helpless than you currently are and that’s no way for an American to live.
• “This is OUTRAGEOUS! What makes you think you can force me to buy something I don’t want?!?”
o This question should be referred to President Obama and Chief Justice Roberts.
• “What are all of those police officers going to do?”
o Whatever they want to, now that they’re not responsible for protecting anyone beyond themselves. It’s reasonable to imagine that the demand for private shooting instructors might be on the rise after President Romney’s Mandate passes. Of course there will still be a need for a police force to deal with folks who break the law, but most departments will be able to scale back drastically, saving tax-payers millions.
• “You don’t know what you’re saying. It will be a bloodbath in our streets!!”
o Not to worry, every American is now covered under our amazing, communist progressive health care system. Statistically speaking, you couldn’t be more wrong if you tried. Whenever a community sees an increase in the amount of guns, the crime rate drops.

With the Self-Protection Mandate in place, we can alleviate the burden on our police forces and help cities trim their budgets without any spike in violence or crime. Ever since the first police force was established in this country in 1838, we’ve been gradually handing over the responsibilities for our safety to government departments and with the surrender of that responsibility comes the surrender of personal liberties. In today’s uncertain times with today’s unscrupulous government leaders, I believe it’s time to take some of that responsibility back. As Madison said, “A well regulated militia, composed of the body of the people, trained in arms, is the best most natural defense of a free country.”

If we’re going to be stuck with the “constitutional” concept of Individual Mandates, the least we can do is use it for the good of our country.

Luke Hamilton is classically-trained, Shakespearean actor from Eugene, Oregon who happens to be a liberty-loving, right-wing, Christian constitutionalist. When not penning columns for, Hamilton spends his time astride the Illinois-Wisconsin border, leading bands of liberty-starved citizens from the progressive gulags of Illinois to [relative] freedom. Hamilton is the creative mind/voice behind Pillar & Cloud Productions, a budding production company which resides at He owes all to his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, whose strength is perfected in his weakness.