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A Presidential Battle Royal

18. John Quincy Adams. Despite his alliance with his son John Quincy Adams, he is eliminated at this point due to an alliance between Andrew Jackson (over the Corrupt Bargain) and Martin Van Buren (Jackson’s protégé).

19. John Adams. Unable to save his son, he is next to be eliminated.

20. John F. Kennedy. Unless LBJ forms an alliance with him, it’s the end of Camelot.

21. James Garfield. A Civil War veteran, he would be the first to go among his fellow Civil War veterans once they all turn on each other.

22. Chester Arthur. Unable to rescue his predecessor, he is next to go.

23. Martin Van Buren. He has an alliance with Andrew Jackson, but that won’t keep him in the ring for very long.

24. Harry S. Truman. A World War I veteran, yet insecure at times.

25. Gerald Ford. He was a World War II veteran, but would soon wear down.

26. William McKinley. Another casualty from the Civil War veteran fallout.

27. Benjamin Harrison. His alliance with his grandfather William Henry Harrison is why he lasted this long.

28. Richard M. Nixon. He had a lot of rage, but that won’t be enough.

29. Franklin Pierce. A casualty among the fallout between Mexican War veterans.

30. William Howard Taft. He lasts this long due to being the biggest President, but a coalition results in him being tossed out.

31. Dwight D. Eisenhower. Allied Commander during World War II, he might be worn out at this point.

32. George H. W. Bush. The Bush alliance is countered by the remaining contenders.

33. George W. Bush. Unable to save his father, he is next to go.

34. Lyndon B. Johnson. His nasty temper kept him in the ring this long.

35. James Monroe. His military experience in the American Revolution is why he lasted this long.

36. Rutherford B. Hayes. His elimination leaves Grant as the remaining Civil War veteran in the ring.

37. William Henry Harrison. The hero of Tippecanoe, he is unable to withstand the onslaught by the remaining contenders.

38. Zachary Taylor. Old Rough and Ready made it this long, but eventually wears out.

39. Ronald Reagan. Puts up a good fight, but succumbs to his fellow veterans.

40. Ulysses S. Grant. A capable commander, but his inability to handle the scandals of his administration catches up with him.

41. Teddy Roosevelt. Despite his Big Stick, he is eliminated by Washington and Jackson.

42. George Washington. Jackson’s ferocity might be a little too much for him to handle.

Thus, Andrew Jackson (our most violent President) is the winner.

Image: United States Library of Congress’s Prints and Photographs division; restoration by trialsanderrors: Presidents of the United States, ca. 1861; author: A. Feusier, lithographer; public domain

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Andrew Linn

Andrew Linn is a member of the Owensboro Tea Party and a former Field Representative for the Media Research Center. An ex-Democrat, he became a Republican one week after the 2008 Presidential Election. He has an M.A. in history from the University of Louisville, where he became a member of the Phi Alpha Theta historical honors society. He has also contributed to examiner.com and Right Impulse Media.

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