Obama on July 4th: Missing a Good Day of Golf for This?

Written by Nick Taxia on July 9, 2013

Americans who may have heard, or by now heard of the President’s unintentionally aired blasts of America’s birthday are reacting with expected anger, with some exceptions. Said notoriously incendiary Professor Erik Loomis of the University of Rhode Island, “I understand Obama’s frustration with having to go through the perfunctory task of commemorating the birth of a nation that has inflicted so much pain on people, minus one … or two … or three-hundred million it saves occasionally. It must be hard to pull off, but it looks like we finally have a president who just can’t take towing the patriotic (expletive) anymore.”

Frederick Dunn, a Tea Party activist and Revolutionary War re-enactor who traveled to D.C. from Atlanta to take part in the nation’s 237th birthday celebration, was outraged by the comments caught by the President. To Dunn, Obama better apologize for his comments, and fast, “Or else I’ll never vote for a third party again that will ensure another Democrat victory – ever!” said the 61-year-old history buff and pawn shop owner.

Some unlikely political pundits are also bashing Obama for his comments and his “stupidity” in thinking no one would hear him in such a public forum. Said former Special Advisor for Green Jobs to the Obama White House, Van Jones, to Duh Progressive Thursday evening, “I admire Barack. Everyone knows that. I worked for him, but even I’m upset by these comments he let ‘slip’ with an open mic around,” Jones told Duh Progressive reporter Michael Madshack.

The fact that Obama was caught complaining of wanting to rather be off playing “a historically White male sport” on a day that celebrates the “establishment of White male hegemony in the Western Hemisphere” is degrading, said Jones. “He should have been playing basketball or chess with some old Black hobo in a park or something,” Jones said via phone. “…Go work a soup line at a homeless shelter, or go spray graffiti somewhere on the monuments or something. Just do something that is not permeated by the very people who created this nation with the intent to repress minorities, women, exploit the poor …and did not lift a damn finger to recycle any of their metal cans or plastic goods!”

Fellow commentators like Mother Jones’ David Cornhole disagree, urging Obama to “tell it like it is” in his three remaining Fourths of July addresses. Said Cornhole Thursday afternoon, “…In fact, I think I may e-mail my thoughts and comments to Mr. Obama so he can use them in next year’s Independence Day speech.”

According to Cornhole, he received an e-mail directly from the President shortly after praising Obama’s candor and egging him on more for next year. According to Cornhole, Obama’s e-mail read: “Don’t worry, dude, I’m on it!”

The preceding column is satire.

Image: The Official White House Photostream; author: White House (Samantha Appleton); public domain

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Nick Taxia is a former campaign manager and consultant in Washington, D.C. He is the primary writer and producer of the conservative-leaning satirical web site, DuhProgressive.com, as well as a rising radio personality, commentator, and comedian.