This Just In: ‘Constitutionalist’ CNN Announces Ted Cruz Born in Canada

So, as I hope I have successfully rationalized, making fun of your enemies is an acceptable act. Besides, why worry any longer about the feelings of people who dream about lining us up in front of a bullet-pock-marked wall for very flimsy reasons.

So … CNN announces that Cruz was born in Canada. So what? Isn’t Canada really sort of the 51st state? Canadians are just like us except they are so polite they don’t even complain about having awful, socialized medicine. (Pardon the verbal redundancy in that last sentence.) They also wear a lot of lumberjack attire and pronounce words funnily. For instance, “garage” somehow rhymes with “badge” and only has one vowel. But these are quibbles. On the whole we’re one people.

So what if Ted Cruz was born there? I like Canada as much as I like Hawaii and I like Canada much better than Kenya.

And have you heard what Prof. Dershowitz said about Cruz’s performance at Harvard Law? Such glowing praise of a person’s character and academic performance is a rare thing anywhere, particularly in academia. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a Prez who was president of Harvard Law Review and did NOT have to hide his grades. (Where I attended law school you had to be in the top ten percent of your class to qualify for law review. So why hide your grades? Makes me wonder if we have the first “Affirmative Action” President.)

After all the evasiveness of the Administration about Obama’s eligibility, how can any liberal be squeamish about some guy like Cruz who hides nothing about his personal history. But, of course, I understand how upsetting he can be to liberals. He not only doesn’t hide his grades and birthplace, he is outspoken about his Christian faith, probably reads the Bible and that sort of thing. Probably owns a gun or two (he is a Texan, after all). And I’d lay odds he can recite the Constitution backwards (unlike the “Constitutional scholar” currently flying all around to golf courses on Marine One).

Cruz is the personification of the liberal’s troika of evil and liberals have suddenly become … (gasp) … “Constitutionalists!” (See my cartoon.) Next thing you know, they might buy guns. Next they might pick up the Bible and start … naaaaw, that’s probably a stretch.

Besides, CNN opined that in spite of his ignoble Canadian birth, Senator Cruz is qualified to be Prez. For a liberal, that’s Ex Cathedra, and should settle it.