Nation’s Uninformed In Favor of Going to War With Syria
(The Following is Satire)
Washington DC — As the possibility of war with Syria looms ever closer, many of the Nation’s uninformed have taken to the streets to voice their opinions on the possible war with Syria. Tens of thousands of uninformed demonstrators have gathered outside of the White House today to express their concerns and outrage over the United State’s hesitation to dive head first into another Middle Eastern war.
Terry Fischer, a self employed web designer, expressed credulity and rage over the fact that the US has waited so long to starting, “bombing another Muslim country already.”
“I heard they’re working with the Russians now. This can’t be ignored any longer, they must be stopped!”
Leading the demonstration is the sole remaining supporter of Senator Lindsey Graham, Houston exterminator, Jon Biderson.
“I’m just really glad to see such a bipartisan effort come out to support what will hopefully be a future war. We’ve got everyone from uninformed Republicans to uninformed Democrats and everything in between with us here today. Basically if there’s a type of person who hasn’t followed the issue closely, and has little to no knowledge of Middle Eastern history or politics, we’ve got em’. Teachers, businessmen, even politicians!”
Many demonstrators hope that going to war with Syria will, “really teach Al-Quaeda not to mess with America” criticizing skeptics by claiming, “ if you don’t support the Syrian rebels like the President, then you support Al-Quaeda like the terrorists.”
“We do this because September 11, 2001 was the worst day in the entire history of the planet. We have to show people in the Middle East that they can’t mess with America like that and not expect any consequences.”
Even though one of President Obama’s tweets was the first they had ever heard of Syria: thousands of bright eyed, empty-minded college students from all across the country have flooded into the nation’s capital to support President Obama’s efforts to avoid avoiding war in Syria.
“I just know bombing Syria is the right thing to do. President Obama is a good guy, he isn’t like Bush or any of those Republicans who wanted a war. It’s not like we’re going on a wild goose chase for supposed nuclear weapons or anything like Bush did. I know the President wouldn’t be so desperately trying to start this war if it wasn’t absolutely necessary.”
“I mean, the President’s got a Nobel Peace Prize. I’m pretty sure it would be like illegal for him to start an unjust war, right?”
Local uninformed Democrat Gerald Beams noted that it was refreshing for him as a Democrat to be able to support a war again.
“Thank god President Obama is trying to get us into this conflict, I haven’t been able to support a good war since Clinton. After eight years of hating Bush’s wars, I wasn’t sure if there was a Democrat alive brave enough to risk the comparison to George W. Bush by supporting a war in the Middle East. When Obama was elected, I was actually kinda worried that I may never live to be pro-war again. Thankfully, no one seems to have noticed, and I finally get to call people unpatriotic for not supporting the slaughter of people overseas again!”
Update: Nation’s sociopaths have joined nation’s uninformed to support President Obama, and his attempt at starting a war with Syria.
(The Preceding is Satire)
Follow the author, Patrick Kane, at www.facebook.com/heroinpuppies or on twitter at @PatVKane
