All Hail Her Highness Michelle, on Her Birthday!

Written by Teri O'Brien on January 16, 2014

Now that the Democrats in the New Jersey legislature have hired the guy who helped put former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich in the slammer to investigate Gov. Chris Christie’s many incipient scandals, we should finally get some serious action. Now you’re talking! While we wait for him to get to the bottom of that very disturbing 1968 school yard bullying incident that Christie has still not explained, let’s move our focus to some even more important news.

No, I’m not referred to the fact that Iraq is slipping away and becoming an al Qaeda stronghold. Nor am I talking about the lousy job numbers or the continued stagnant economy, Attorney General Eric Holder’s continued stonewalling of subpoenas from Congressional committees over his “Fast and Furious” gun running scheme, or even His Highness Barack the First’s pronouncement that he will continue the ridiculously lawless denigration of the Constitution that is the hallmark of his presidency so far.

Those subjects are snoozers, right? Why talk about that boring stuff when we can celebrate and worship that gorgeous and beguiling creature, who will celebrate a big birthday on Friday, January 17, Michelle Antoinette Obama, who describes herself as “fifty and fabulous.” Is this Friday a national holiday? Not yet? If not, it’s not for lack of trying by the cadre of slobbering sycophants who are using the opportunity of Mooch’s special day to indulge their irresistible impulse to remind us that, like her husband, she is so special as to be other worldly, preternatural, or something. Consider the words of an authority on first ladies, meaning he picked up his office phone when the legacy media Obama PR flacks called, one Robert Watson, “an American studies professor at Lynn University in Boca Raton, Florida”:

“Visit a college campus and talk to someone under 30, 35,” Watson said. “They can’t find Afghanistan on a map, but they’re very tuned in to pop culture.”

Historically, first ladies have been open to criticism because, while they have a platform and impact, the position isn’t mentioned in the Constitution, Watson said. “The office is unpaid, unelected and unappointed,” he said, “and in a democracy, power is not supposed to be vested in a wedding band.”

Watson, 51, who has two children about the age of Obama daughters Malia, 15, and Sasha, 12, said he and his wife often talk about how the first lady has found the “perfect balance” between her private and public lives.

“She’s the epitome of the American superwoman,” he said.

Watson said that if he were advising the Obamas, he’d urge them to shout her birthday from the rooftops. “President Obama has had a really tough couple of months,” he said, “so this will be a chance for nothing but positive spin.”

“The epitome of the American superwoman?” I guess I can understand why a liberal college teacher like Professor Watson, who teaches at what is obviously a stellar institution of higher learning, Lynn University (seriously?), might say that, even if he has read Michelle’s semi-literate racialist college thesis. Maybe the news didn’t trickle down to Florida, but let me clue you in, Professor. This affirmative-action assisted, boiling cauldron of race-based rage and resentment has accomplished nothing notable in her life.

Being married to the guy who surfed the wave of white guilt, celebrity-worship and ignorance into the White House doesn’t count. Neither does having a couple of six-figure no show jobs. It’s probably easy to be a “superwoman” when your mom lives with you and raises your kids. But, don’t worry, Professor, either about the fact that your students can’t find Afghanistan on a map, or that the Obama regime won’t use this birthday for propaganda purposes. Other than a story about the latest Hollywood celebrity to “come out,” there is nothing that the Obamas’ acolytes in the Jurassic media would rather do. 

Once, Michelle’s home town, Chicago, banned foie gras from its restaurants because it is considered cruel to force feed ducks, but that doesn’t mean that the liberal media won’t continue to hold us down and force feed Americans with fully-functioning eyes the ridiculous and patently obviously false fairy tale entitled “The Wise, Beautiful and Fabulously Fit Michelle.”

Maybe it’s just me, but I think that if a woman is going to appoint herself as America’s leading health, fitness and nutrition expert, perhaps she shouldn’t have a rear end that you could park an aircraft carrier on. The only thing bigger than her sense of entitlement is that caboose she drags behind her, which apparently is so large that it requires a separate aircraft to haul back and forth from Hawaii, Martha’s Vineyard, or the latest luxury resort soon to have a lobster shortage shortly after Michelle arrives. Why would she “just sit on [her] talents or blessings” when she has that booty?

The breathless herd of stenographers writing these stories took great pains to report that Michelle has not ruled out Botox or plastic surgery in the future. It’s unclear whether that includes liposuction.

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Teri O'Brien is America's Original Conservative Warrior Princess, and host of The Teri O'Brien Show, which debuted on Chicago's radio home for Rush Limbaugh, and now airs in the cutting edge world of online media, She is a yoga-practicing, 2nd Amendment-loving, bench pressing Mac girl geek, attorney, provocateur, author, and dangerous thinker. Teri is also the author of the new ebook, The ABC's of Barack Obama: Understanding God's Gift to America. Learn more at