DIVORCE PREVENTION: Chica Says, ‘Don’t Blow Off God or Common Sense Before Marriage’ and You’ll Do Fine

Published on February 14, 2014

This girl has some suggestions for how to keep your marriage from crashing and burning. What do you think? Do you agree?

I’ve had a few long term relationships. Some people would call me a “serial dater”. But, if there’s something that bothers me about that person that I don’t believe I’ll ever get over, I break up with them. Why? Because you don’t want to marry someone when you aren’t compatible as a couple in the first place.

If you try on a pair of pants at the store and you like how it fits on your legs but hate the way it makes your butt look.. You aren’t going to take them home with you anyway and just hope you can squeeze yourself into them after you’ve lost those two pounds. Why? Because you aren’t compatible.

Compatibility is so important to realize before the rings, not after. Pay attention to how he treats his mother. Is he clean? Does he drink a lot? Are you too blind to see any flaws beyond his good looks? And for the guys: is she sketchy with her phone? Does she act totally different around her friends? Have people warned you about her?

People are making marriages look like a complete joke these days. “Let’s just get married and if we can’t figure it out in 9 months well get a divorce, no big deal!” A divorce should be the Last resort. After you’ve tried counseling and literally everything else possible. At one point in time you thought this person was who you wanted to spend your lifetime with. That doesn’t just change over a course of months, or it never was real to begin with (which you should’ve realized before the day you said “I do”).

If you’ve read anything about marriage in the Bible, you’d understand just how sacred marriage is in the eyes of God. Here are a few examples:

Genesis 2:24
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Hebrews 13:4 
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Proverbs 18:22
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.

Ephesians 5:25-33 
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. (Such a powerful verse!)

If everyone looked at marriage as the sacred gift that it is, I think my timeline would be filled with less divorce drama. I’m 22 years old. Several people who are my age (some younger, some slightly older)  have already had two husbands and more than one child. Just a little tip here: marrying someone just because you have a child together usually won’t work. You actually need love to make a successful marriage.

The majority of these girls are getting married after less than a year of knowing someone. I’m not going to lie, that freaks me out. You don’t truly know someone in a year. I know this is frowned upon by some people but in my opinion, you should live with someone before committing your life to them and saying those vows. My mother tells me all the time that you don’t know someone’s true quirks and bad habits or even really know until you’re living under the same roof…  And I believe it.

Most people begin to argue with their significant other (which eventually gets so awful that it leads to separation or divorce) after the end of the “cupcake phase”. The cupcake phase is within the first few months to a year. It is when you get excited over their phone calls, you can text for hours, you want to hug for ten minutes and not let go, and you’re flirting with each other nonstop. Once the cupcake phase is over, calls seem inconvenient. You forget to respond to most text messages. Hugs tend to last too long and flirting begins to seem more like a job and not something you enjoy.

I’ve dated guys that would open my doors for me, carry my bags, walk me to my door.. and it was lovely (for the first few months until they stopped). This is when you have to start working on your relationship, or you’re going to watch it slowly fail right before your eyes. Despite the fact that you’ve gotten to know someone intimately, your relationship is steadily falling apart and you don’t realize it. The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you’ll see their flaws. That’s just the way it is. This is why marriages fail.

You might think you know someone until you see the way they act when they’re out of money or under pressure from work or school or they’re hungry, for goodness sake. Love is something different. Love is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in spite of their moody days or the fact that they leave toothpaste in the sink. Love is patient and kind. Love is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice. Love is seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump ship and move on to someone else. “For God so loved the world that he gave..” Love is giving. Love means giving up your own preferences and comfort for the sake of someone else’s happiness and wellbeing.

Guys: never stop courting your girl.
Girls: never stop flirting with your guy.

Don’t become a statistic.

Via Hope Rodriguez

-Hope Gabrielle Rodriguez. 22 year old nursing student at the University of South Alabama. I drink too much iced coffee and laugh way too loud.