SHE GOT TOLD: A Gold-Digger Gets a Slap-Down from a CEO

Written by Wes Walker on April 28, 2014

Making the rounds on the internet is a classic exchange between a (self-described) pretty, stylish 25 year old, intent on landing a man who makes in excess of 1/2 Million a year.

The poor thing (bless her heart) is unable to crack the lowly $250k barrier, and thinks she might do much better than that. Is half-a-million so outrageous when $1M is only “Middle-Class in New York”?

Her requirement (she says) “is not high”. She wants some pointers on where to find such a man, an explanation for why women she thinks are unattractive and uninteresting are married to men of wealth, what age group “to target” (yes, she said target), and (since she’s hoping for — or “targeting”, actually — marriage) what is the deciding factor between a girl who will be wife, and one who will be merely a girlfriend.

The internet response was classic. Someone claiming to be JP Morgan’s CEO gave a reply, on behalf of men who meet her criteria.

Here is the response, verbatim:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor.

My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I’m not wasting time here.

From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.

Put the details aside, what you’re trying to do is an exchange of “beauty” and “money” : Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.

However, there’s a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can’t be prettier year after year.

Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It’s not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worse 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a “trading position”.

If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term – same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or “leased”.

Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income.This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps.

J.P. Morgan CEO

(H/T): crnchy