War on the ‘Asian Carp’? Then the ‘English Muffin’ Must Go, Too!

Written by Steve Sheldon on May 10, 2014

I’ve had it! The English blood in my veins cries out for vengeance and I can’t stand it anymore. The English Muffin has got to go. That dusty-hole-filled-hard-to-tear-apart-aberration of a breakfast snack is degrading to my pride as an English-American. I am so offended I will get a lawyer and sue everyone. That’s right— I will sue everyone on the planet. At best The English Muffin must be renamed. I demand action! Call it something else so I am not offended. How about the Invasive Muffin? No, I’m not kidding! Think this sounds a little psychotic? Well it is. The English don’t give a bu**er! They don’t even call it an English Muffin in England. They eat scones and crumpets.

So, do you think that Asians are worked up about a fish being called the Asian Carp? No, they’re not. That didn’t matter to the Minnesota State Government Morons. I use that word with emphasis, to mean feeble of mind, and flat out dense. Last week, they changed the name of the Asian Carp to invasive carp, because they were afraid the name Asian Carp would hurt someone’s feelings. This PC – BS has got to stop!

The Asians should be proud of the darn carp. It invades and kicks the freaking @$$ of every other species in the lake. I mean how many fish out there can roundhouse kick the snot out every other fish? In no time at all the Asian, I mean, invasive carp, destroys all the native fish and dominates the water. What’s so embarrassing about that? Total lake domination.

I think the Asian’s of the world should sue the crap out of Minnesota. What the heck is invasive carp? That’s not a name. It’s a lisp. It means nothing. Vietnamese, Chinese, c’mon sue Minnesota, do it now. America needs you to stand up for your fish. It’s your fish and it’s a bad-ass. Don’t let them take it from you. Asians rise up, don’t stand for this!

Minnesota is fine with the name Grass Carp. Is that because they like to smoke pot or because they are all vegans? It’s not fair, Asians. Does Largemouth Bass insult Mick Jagger? Don’t mention Koi or the Japanese might get involved. I guess we better rethink every word or name ever given to anything. We sure would hate to perpetuate stereotypes or hurt someone’s little feelings. Now would we?

Should we start calling illegal Mexicans, invasive south Texans? I doubt it. Well, if they are getting rid of the Asian Carp, I want them to get rid of the English Muffin. I’m of English descent and I can’t stand the insult. While you’re at it, French Bread is pretty doggone racist too! Or how about Belgian waffles? How have we survived like this? Well it’s over now, thanks to the liberal- Democrat idiots of Minnesota who can’t stand the sound of a word that has any meaning or history to it. For example, the Asian Carp really did originate in Asia. The government must protect us from these terrible letters strung together in the form of a word. Don’t even bring up what some might call BRAZIL NUTS! This world’s gone mad.

While we’re at this, how about the Dakota Sioux being a little ticked off at the evil whites from Scandinavia? Those pasty-faced cloggers took their word for Cloudy Water, Minnesota, and named the state with it! The name Minnesota is a travesty to the tribe. Maybe the Dakota Sioux should sue the state of Minnesota for stealing their word and driving their people out! They should force the legislature to rename Minnesota, Invasive Scandinavians. Sounds like a great freaking name!

You know what; this is the state that elected a dim-wit like Jesse Ventura governor. (Side note: Jesse “the wingnut” Ventura, Chris Kyle kicked your old butt, just saying. And you are such a small man that you still sued his widow like the classless POS that you are.) This is also the state that currently elects Al Franken, a United States Senator. I rest my case with Al Franken. Denny Crane. I’m done. Asians unite. You have a case. Don’t let them take your fish.

Author, S.C. Sherman’s latest novel titled Mercy Shot is available for purchase at www.scsherman.com and Kindle version is available on Amazon.com. Contact Steve via email steve@scsherman.com. Also, go LIKE www.facebook.com/mercyshot to stay up to date on all things Mercy Shot.

Doug “The Big Dawg” Giles reviews Mercy Shot: “Mercy Shot is a riveting, modern tale of the twisted and insidious war that’s being waged against our Second Amendment rights. S.C. Sherman does a great job of forecasting in this timely tome of how things could possibly go down. My advice is to a.) Read this book and b.) Buy a stack of guns and ammo, pretty damn quick. Molon Labe”.–Doug Giles, CEO of ClashDaily.com

Image: Courtesy of: http://www.staircasewit.co/2011/08/


Steve Sheldon is a lifelong outdoorsman, hunter, gun-rights enthusiast and widely published author. Steve spent a dozen years in private industry as an investment broker and owner of multiple businesses. He served the National Rifle Association almost ten years in various capacities before moving to Americans for Prosperity in his current role of External Affairs Officer. Steve has held various church leadership roles over the years and served in a jail ministry.