Here are some harsh realities about the science and psychology behind dating and mating. Some of the statistics might be surprising, but might confirm some long standing stereotypes about men and women. Check it out from Eric Barker at The Week…
1) Those things we say we hate actually make us more attracted to people.
When someone plays hot-cold, keeps you guessing, makes you constantly uncertain?
Yeah, that makes you even more attracted:
Participants in the uncertain condition were most attracted to the men — even more attracted than were participants who were told that the men liked them a lot. Uncertain participants reported thinking about the men the most, and this increased their attraction toward the men. [Psychological Science]
Playing hard to get? It works.
2) Yes, guys are pretty shallow.
What determines how much a guy spends on an engagement ring? The younger the woman, the more he spends:
The total spent on rings was positively correlated to the annual incomes of both men and women but negatively correlated to women’s ages. [The Consuming Instinct: What Juicy Burgers, Ferraris, Pornography, and Gift Giving Reveal About Human Nature]
Research shows, if men didn’t need to impress women, they probably wouldn’t leave the couch:
The results show that if there were no returns to career choices in the marriage market, men would tend to work less, study less, and choose blue‐collar jobs over white‐collar jobs. [Journal of Human Capital]
3) Women can be quite dastardly too.
The science of sex tells us that the romantic comedies lie. Sex is an area where nice guys do finish last:
In one survey of men, Trapnell and Meston (1996) found that nice guys who were modest, agreeable, and unselfish were disadvantaged in sexual relationships. Men who were manipulative, arrogant, calculating, and sly were more sexually active and had a greater variety of sexual experiences and a greater number of sex partners. [Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy]
In the end, young women may continue to claim that they find certain qualities in a “good guy” nice guy as highly desirable and that they want to be in a committed relationship with one man as their ultimate goal, but, at the same time, they seem content to spend “the meantime and in-between-time” going out with fun/sexy guys who may or may not turn into “jerks.” [Sex Roles]
4) Little of the above will be changing anytime soon.
This is the science of sex, not the culture of it. Most, if not all, of these things are true around the world.
In a study of over 1000 participants in three dozen cultures it was consistently found that men are focused on looks and women on status:
Several standard sex differences replicated across cultures, including women’s greater valuation of social status and men’s greater valuation of physical attractiveness. [Personality and Individual Differences]
But we grow out of it, right? Nope.
Read more: The Week
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