CINCO DE MAYO, PROGRESSIVE STYLE! Rules for Celebrating a Non-Holiday

Written by Chuck Gruenwald on May 9, 2015

When it comes to Cinco de Mayo, it seems as though beer companies have learned a valuable lesson from the likes of Hallmark: create a non-holiday holiday. Of course, the addition of alcohol to Saint Patrick’s Day has given Americans an excuse to consume mass quantities on a day in March that other parts of the world simply gloss over; if the Saint Paddy’s Day that I had spent in Romania a few years ago was a major disappointment, I could only imagine their Cinco de Mayo.

As if having a non-holiday holiday is enough of an oxymoron, the enforcement arm of the Fraternal Order of the Perpetually Offended has decided that we must observe May Fifth in a manner that is culturally sensitive. In other words, there are rules that must be adhered to when celebrating a non-holiday holiday.

However, I’m in too good of a mood to include a link to an article that highlights how people who do not want to be told what to do in their bedrooms, celebrate their self-recognized intellectual superiority by telling the rest of us how we should live, both inside our own bedrooms, as well as in the barrooms.

By imposing politically-correct rules on a politically-incorrect holiday, the more outspoken armchair activists on the left really aren’t trying to tell the rest of us how to live as much as they are trying to display what they believe is a new pseudo-intellectual Age of Enlightenment.

Yes, this new Age of Enlightenment is a joint venture between:
A. Socialist narcissists who believe that the American “lower classes” of today need to have their comfort of living dropped a few notches, since they have a higher standard of living than the rest of the world.
B. Other individuals with low self-esteem who try to build themselves up by not only trying to tear other people down, but also have to remind themselves – and the rest of us – that the politicians whom they vote for are the smartest people who ever inhaled oxygen and exhaled greenhouse gasses in the history of humanity.

When discussing liberals and liberal philosophies, I have learned that there are four major liberal sub-groups:

– Conservatives who believe that they are liberal as a result of institutional indoctrination, or feel alienated by the self-serving, cronyist attitude of Republican Party leadership

Many liberals claim that there is no minority representation within the Republican Party. And honestly, they may have a point, since there are people from every ethnicity who associate themselves with the type of conservatism that the Republican Party is trying to purge from its big tent. Trying to win this group over is a good reason to not pigeonhole everyone who believes that they have an affiliation with the left. And resorting to name-calling may only solidify their unearned liberal identity.

– People with low self-esteem who are unsure of their beliefs and opinions

These people need to see their opinions validated by seeing others acknowledge and participate in their type of behavior and philosophies, even if those other people are forced into that behavior.

From harassing bakery owners, to forcing homosexual representation in the Boston Saint Patrick’s Day Parade, to childishly taunting a father and his young daughter, since they are not aesthetically-pleasing to those who believe in the Margret Sanger philosophy of “terminating undesirables and minorities”, the narcissism within the leftist low self-esteem crowd does not tolerate any display of confidence, self-discipline, morals, individuality, or conservative intellect by others.

If an individual believes in denying a child his or her right to live in this world due to a possible genetic defect, the inconveniences that the mother may have to endure while raising that child, or any of the other popular excuses, then anyone who chooses to give their child a chance, despite falling into any of the categories mentioned above, must be shamed into making the “proper” decision. Otherwise, a fragile argument may fold faster than a Republican Speaker of the House of Representatives.

– People with such high self-esteem, that they reek of narcissism

These people hide their contempt for others by trying to make those people “feel good” about themselves. If the people in Camp Narcissism aren’t racist, then why do they believe that people with different ethnic origins than their own aren’t smart enough to not be offended by the names of sports teams, helicopters, automotive makes and models, and the improper celebration of Cinco de Mayo?

Those within the pseudo-intellectual, politically-correct leftist brain trust indulge in using big words and long, rambling sentences to not say much. And one of the best opportunities to allow a lot of words to stroke an unearned ego is to take it upon one’s self to decide who should feel offended and when.

The belief that only a select few elite leaders should dictate the opinions and the appropriate level of knowledge that the unwashed, unenlightened gaggle that is known as “the rest of us” is a good indication of just how much the new leftist Age of Enlightenment really sucks.

– Progressives

These folks believe in socialism for everyone but themselves, since they are far too evolved to belong in that collective cesspool of “the rest of us.” In other words, those people are hypocritical, narcissist quislings on metaphorical mental steroids, who ironically, have the personal wealth to afford living in a socialist world.

While the greeting card industry may be gearing up for an excuse to guilt us into sending out Kentucky Derby or Labor Day cards, the guilt industry will soon develop culturally-sensitive rules for these new potentially-offensive holidays, such as not dressing up as a horse on Derby Day, or as a member of the Village People on Labor Day.

When it comes to how narcissists display their pseudo-intellectualism under the misperception of enlightenment, their self-perceived Age of Enlightenment is like an alcohol-fueled Saint Paddy’s Day celebration in Romania: non-existent.


Born in Chicago and raised in northwest suburban Cook County, Chuck Gruenwald developed an unfavorable opinion of machine politics quite early in life. In addition to cars, electronics, law enforcement, and politics, Chuck enjoys writing, and is also a horse racing fan. He has recently written op-eds for