TRUMP & CARLY: Ultimate Warriors in a Field of Castrati

Written by John Kirkwood on August 13, 2015

To all those “conservative Christians” who have their panties in a bunch over some of us clapping for Donald Trump, let me talk you off the ledge. First of all it doesn’t mean we support him for President or approve of his past behavior, his voting record, or his moral or immoral conduct. It does mean that in the world of castrati who make up the opposition party, WE WANT TO REWARD A TRUTH TELLER!!!

And if tomorrow, Rupaul and Caitlyn Jenner come out swinging about illegal aliens, RINO frauds, and Benghazi, I will applaud their courage as well, and note as I do that both ladies (ahem) have more balls than Reince Priebus, John McCain, John Boehner, Mitch McConnell, and the majority of GOP hacks masquerading as Republican leaders, combined.

I might even buy their Barbie action figures!

If you talk about how Donald Trump has no business being in the Republican Primary more than you do about Lindsey Graham, Jeb Bush, and George Pataki, you have TDS — Trump Derangement Syndrome.

There is no known cure for this other than common sense, discernment, and proportional outrage (though these are in short supply during a campaign season). TDS is one of those rare diseases, like Alzheimer’s, that is more taxing on those around the sufferers than the patients themselves.

My recommendation for friends and loved ones of those who suffer TDS is the same as that for senile dementia — patience, forbearance, long-suffering, lots of prayer, and a double martini.

So before you tell me your twelve reasons why Donald shouldn’t be president, save your breath — I’m not voting for him to be president. I’m voting for him to continue to be a spur under the saddle of the establishment’s fat, pasty-white, candy sass.

I don’t support Carly Fiorina for president either, but I’m glad that she’s running and I love how she does what she does. I don’t care about her stance on gay marriage or her time at HP because she’s not my candidate, but I can appreciate that she will not only call Hillary Clinton a liar but make Chris Matthews pee his pant leg in the doing. Scott Walker isn’t doing that.

So tell me if Carly’s a “Muslim-loving-late-to-the-party-pro-lifer” – how is it that she is talking more about Planned Parenthood than your “pro-life champion” has been? How is it that she’s the only other candidate aside from Trump, Jindal, and Cruz that is calling Hillary out as a liar and a criminal?

Where is the “authentic” pro-life Governor Walker? Where is your candidate?

Look, I don’t support Donald Trump for president, I support Ted Cruz, but I do appreciate what Trump is doing and I’m cheering him on and sincerely hope that, in the race or out, he keeps it up.

Anyone who could make Jeb spew, Lindsey’s panties bunch up, and John McCain reach for his nitro-glycerin tablets is a hero in my book. I appreciate him for what he’s doing and all that he’s doing actually helps my candidate, so keep it up Donald — I’m enjoying the show.

Now I’ve heard Mark Levin, Rush Limbaugh, Michael Savage, and Newt Gingrich all say basically the same things about Trump that I’ve just said so I guess in the least I’m in good company. Glenn Beck doesn’t trust him, but then again, Glenn sees a progressive coup d’etat behind every fire hydrant.

Oh, and if you are yet to feel like the self-righteous, Pharisaical dipthong that you are, riddle me this, Jethro: How does it feel to be on the same side as a the head of a Mexican Drug Cartel, the leadership of Black Lives Matter, John McCain, Lindsey Graham, Jeb Bush, a guy named Reince, and Megyn Kelly’s black nightie?

Here’s the thing: a primary is a demolition derby. Even if I want Fonzie to win I can still hope that Pinky Tuscadero smashes one of the Millachi brothers along the way. I can want Ted Cruz at the top of the ticket but still enjoy every minute of Carly Fiorina’s sharp tongue going through the mainstream media like Uma Thurman’s Hattori Hanzo went through the Crazy 88’s.

In other words, a primary is supposed to be like a Battle Royale: If I’m pulling for Randy Savage to be the last man standing then I’ll be cheering on Jimmy “Superfly’ Snuka and Ric Flair when they throw Hulk Hogan out the ring! In that light, Trump isn’t going to damage Ted “Macho Man” Cruz but he’s doing a number on the NWO establishment hacks. And I for one love to see Jeb Bush’s head bounce off the turnbuckle.

And I guarantee you that The Donald and Miss Carly are giving Karl Rove and his ilk a case of the ague.

So jabroni, can you smell what The Cruz is cooking?

Image: (Courtesy of Gage Skidmore)

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John Kirkwood
John Kirkwood is a son of Issachar. He is a Zionist, gun-toting, cigar-smoking, incandescent light bulb-using, 3.2 gallon flushing, fur-wearing, Chinese (MSG) eating, bow-hunting, SUV driving, unhyphenated American man who loves his wife, isn't ashamed of his country and does not apologize for his Christianity. He Pastors Grace Gospel Fellowship Bensenville, where "we the people" seek to honor "In God we Trust." He hosts the Christian wake up call IN THE ARENA every Sunday at noon on AM 1160 and he co-hosts UnCommon Sense, the Christian Worldview with a double shot of espresso on He is the proud homeschooling dad of Konnor, Karter and Payton and the "blessed from heaven above" husband of the Righteous and Rowdy Wendymae.