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If You’re the Secretary of Personality Kerry — Talking Non-Sense Is What You Do

Following the humiliation of U.S. Navy Sailors being captured, detained, and coerced into making objectionable statements favorable towards the Islamic Republic of Iran, Secretary of Personality John Kerry had the audacity of a dope to credit peace and negotiation as the reason Iran released the Sailors.

It wouldn’t have anything to do with the impending turning off of sanctions against Iran.

Or the hundreds of BILLIONS Iran was standingto get in assistance monies — talk about winning the lottery.

According to the Secretary of Personality it’s because he took a “you’ve got a friend” (for those that got it, you’re welcome) phone call Mohammad Javad Zarif and they talked it out. It must have been a Mud Slide Slim And Blue Horizon kind of moment (again, you’re welcome) for Zarif to forget about all those bennies and acquiesce to the Great Satan.

In part it goes back to the same weird left-wing mindset that blames everything white and western while giving the rest of the world the widest possible latitude in navigating day to day morality. Don’t forget that Kerry said he could see “legitimacy, no not legitimacy…rationale” behind the Charlie Hebdo attacks. No one’s asked him, but does he see legitimacy or rationale behind Iran’s detention of our military personnel? Not just military personnel, but brown-water patrol boat Sailors like he was when he served in Vietnam?

And it’s not that this comes at a time when German Chancellor Angela Merkel just said “we’ve lost control” as #refugeeswelcome flood her country and commit serial rape in Cologne and other countries. If New Years celebrations were horrific for women in Germany, just wait until February 9th and 10th when Carnival goes down. One way of the other, it might just be a Malcolm Gladwell-style Tipping Point.

The question no one’s ventured to delve into is this: while our military personnel were separated from their two patrol boats, what were the Iranians doing on board those boats? Did they obtain sensitive information? Did they find personal information about individual crew members? Were the crew’s cell phones and lap tops on board and accessed by the Revolutionary Guard Corps? How about official military documents? In other words, what did they get from us that they were never supposed to have in the first place?

Maybe they didn’t need any of that anyway. The Iranians just weeks ago hacked into systems controlling dams upriver of New York City – with a keystroke the mullahs could have opened floodgates and put Manhattan underwater if they wanted to.

Just take a big broom and sweep, sweep, sweep, such troublesome notions from the enormous safe zone that’s replaced an objective and investigative national media. It might make people feel bad if we focused too long on what was it, a twenty-four hour or so detention of our personnel. So, we shift our collective and waning attention spans elsewhere.

If you’re the Secretary of Personality, you do everything in your power to ensure this is so, it’s what you do. For that Mister Secretary of Personality, whenever I see your smiling face I have to smile myself because I love you, yes I do (I’ll try and make that my last James Taylor allusion for a little while).

Image: Courtesy of Ralph Alswang @

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Andrew Allen

Andrew Allen (@aandrewallen) grew up in the American southeast and for more than two decades has worked as an information technoloigies professional in various locations around the globe. A former far-left activist, Allen became a conservative in the late 1990s following a lengthy period spent questioning his own worldview. When not working IT-related issues or traveling, Andrew Allen spends his time discovering new ways to bring the pain by exposing the idiocy of liberals and their ideology.