When Are We Going to DRAW THE LINE for Offensive Mascots?

Written by Andrew Allen on April 26, 2016

Now that Colorado has embarked upon a plan to force schools to replace mascots with names deemed non-offensive to Native Americans it’s fair to ask, who’s next?

– Ohio comes to mind. Cleveland Browns, Indians, and Cincinnati Reds? Really? Have you no shame?

– Minnesota comes to mind. The Vikings? Terribly offensive to Nordic Americans.

– San Diego Padres? Can’t have an overt reference to religion like that and especially not one that serves to revive memories of the Spanish colonial period in the southwest and Mexico. Ditto New Orleans Saints and their history under French dominion.

– New England, you can have a team but you can’t call them Patriots. It might offend foreigners. It definitely offends those whose idea of patriotism goes hand in glove with social activism.

– Boston, no more Celtics? Offensive to Irish-Americans.

– No more Steelers for Pittsburgh. Steel manufacturing can be notoriously tough on the environment.

– Kansas City kiss the name Chiefs goodbye. Can’t be using names derived from Native American tribal hierarchies. Your Royals might remind someone of broader social hierarchies so it’s got to go too.

– Bye Bye Detroit Pistons. Too reminiscent of your once proud era as the world’s leader in automotive production.

– Utah Jazz, isn’t that a deliberate offense towards all other musical preferences? How do rap fans in Provo feel when they hear someone say “Utah Jazz”?

– Washington DC, gotta do something about both the Redskins and Wizards. The problem with the former ought to be obvious. The latter is offensive to Wiccans. Same goes for the Orlando Magic. Sorry.

– Chicago Blackhawks? Yep. Try again.

– Los Angeles what’s your problem? A team called the Kings? Obviously homophobic. Perhaps a stint as the LA Queens would remediate your transgression against the LGBTQ community. Angels needs to become something else, too. It’s too, shall we say, Christian a reference.

– Washington DC, no more Nationals. It invokes the notion of nationhood which is an offense to the idea of a global village we’re all supposed to want to be a part of.

– Oakland Athletics? How does that make sedentary fat people feel?

– San Jose, come up with something besides Earthquakes for your Major League Soccer Team. It’s offensive towards those that have experienced an earthquake, and towards those that live in earthquake-deprived regions.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. There are thousands of colleges with names that need to be cleansed from the public record not to mention the many minor league sports teams located in countless population centers all over the country.

At the rate such politically correct nonsense is advancing across our fair land, before long the WNBA’s New York Liberty will have to change their name to the New York Equality. Except that would disenfranchise other teams that might want to use the same name.

Maybe it’s time to drop all mascot names and just call the associated sports franchises Team A, Team B, Team C, and so on. But that would imply that one team comes before the other since A comes before B which comes before C.

Could get rid of sports all together? That would strip the idea of excellence through effort and competition from our culture. Hmmm.

Image: https://www.flickr.com/photos/fibonacciblue/15076397553

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Andrew Allen
Andrew Allen (@aandrewallen) grew up in the American southeast and for more than two decades has worked as an information technoloigies professional in various locations around the globe. A former far-left activist, Allen became a conservative in the late 1990s following a lengthy period spent questioning his own worldview. When not working IT-related issues or traveling, Andrew Allen spends his time discovering new ways to bring the pain by exposing the idiocy of liberals and their ideology.