“Generation snowflake” is upset that Hillary lost the election and may need something more tangible than a red, white, and blue “I Was with Her” tattoo to help them recover.
Notwithstanding Hillary’s loss, there is a reason to take heart.
Why? Because paying tribute to a rejected socialist is as easy as volunteering to share one’s home with an extended family of illegal aliens looking for a place to rest and refuel before “doing jobs Americans won’t do.”
Moreover, in addition to sharing living space, the crowd currently in search of meaning after the election can shore up their sullen sensibilities by paying the expenses of those who migrated to the US, albeit illegally, in search of food stamps, free education, welfare, and government-funded health care.
If financing the dreams of “newcomers” is not a viable option for cash-strapped snowflakes there is always comfort in knowing that even though Hillary lost the election, thanks to policies Hillary approved of, America’s public schools remain overrun with unaccompanied minors infected with various Third World maladies.
In other words, armed with the knowledge that children with limited immunity are still being exposed to imported pathogens, generation snowflake has reason to be optimistic about what once seemed like a Trump future void of universal fairness.
Then again, in the hearts of Hillary voters, the thought of American children struggling with whooping cough and Enterovirus D-68 may fail to impart the desired level of renewed hope. That’s why, prior to January 20th, 2017, hysterical snowflakes can pacify frayed nerves by venturing forth to the southern border and hastening the arrival of MS-13 gang members, drug lords, and machete-toting ISIS infiltrators.
Another option for the same-sex marriage people is to coordinate post-election cruises to hot spots like Lesbos, Greece, where, election-despondent Hillary voters, unsure about their sexual identity can hug it out on the high seas, and limit lavatory usage to gender-neutral bathrooms.
And let’s not forget those all-important “vagina voters!”
After the woman most likely to be the first female president lost, these ladies can always cheer themselves up by spending the afternoon exercising choice in a Planned Parenthood clinic.
Even still, if supporting an illegal family, a gay cruise, or a late term abortion doesn’t resuscitate joy, left-leaning snowflakes can publicly demand that prior to Inauguration Day, the famous theme park founded by a dead white guy named Disney, be changed to a more inclusive name such as “Sharia World”.
If those kinds of politically correct efforts fail to encourage the downtrodden, there’s always an option for liberals to volunteer to bus unvetted Syrian refugees to red states, host pilgrimages to Muslim refugee camps, or mingle in with the worshipers at radical Muslim mosques.
Moreover, deflated snowflakes can always help themselves feel better about things by volunteering to raise their tax contribution to 95%, wallop a Trump piñata filled with other people’s money, or spend an all-expense paid weekend in a gun free “safe space”.
After that, they can turn in their electric cars for bicycles, abandon toilet paper for leaves, and replace air conditioners with the handheld Japanese fans.
If personal progressive sacrifices fail to fully provide the much sought after solace those fraught with disappointment seek, generation snowflake could pursue consolation at a flag burning, memorize the Quran, insult the military, or attempt to egg Trump Towers.
Either way, after an upsetting election, there are multitudinous reasons for despondent snowflakes in need of reassurance to take heart.