Dear NFL Protesters: If We Gave You These 9 Things, Would YOU Chill Out?

Written by Doug Giles on September 27, 2017

Doug Giles has some ideas on what might end this NFL ‘Take A Knee’ thing for good. Check out his awesome list.

Many Americans believe in the right to peacefully protest, but don’t like the way that this protest is being tied to the anthem and the flag.

Not one NFL player has come forward to explain what America needs to change before they stop the protest and stand and honor the flag and the anthem again.

In the spirit of unity, Doug’s got some ideas that might make them happy.

Doug did his homework and scoured NFL player interviews and arrest records in order to come up with the following list.

Watch Doug parse it all out:

1. Reparations — If we take from the ‘white privileged’ laid-off blue-collar worker in Wisconsin and handed their life savings over to you, would that get you to chill out? Or perhaps you just want reparations from Southerners. Ok, maybe we could have good ol’ Kentucky boy, George Clooney hand over some of his estimated net worth of $500 Million to you guys. And hey, two words: Clinton Foundation. We could register you guys as a charity (‘Friends of Bill’ has a nice ring to it) and, I’m sure, Bill and Hill would be happy to fork over the cash. After all, it’s not like you’re Haiti after an earthquake. Would that get you to chill out?

2. More Money — Are the millions you’ve got not enough for you? The average NFL salary is $2.4 Million. Surely we could up that. What would make you happy? $5 Million? $10 Million? After all, you’ve got a hard life. You get to play 16 games a season while millions cheer you on. If you’re really oppressed, you get into the post-season where, if you win, you get fêted and lavished with honor for playing football really, really well. That’s at least another $3 Million right there.

3. Free tattoos — Y’all love ink, right? How about we get the best of the best to give you as many free tattoos you want. You could even get a tattoo of yourself kneeling as a memorial your protest.

4. No arrests for beating up wife and/or side chick — Yeah, the feminists will be upset, but it seems like it’s a thing that a lot of you guys do. This protest is about ‘police brutality’, right? Well, if we don’t send the police after you for domestic abuse, that’ll keep the coppers out of your hair, amirite?

5. No child support — Your kids — our problem. Yeah, guys, go ahead, spawn your brood and we’ll pick up the tab. Why burden you with responsibilities to your kids and your ‘Baby Mammas’? That just ties you down and you can’t be free to knock up a new girl. You could just be free — like a sperm donor.

6. Free Weed — The good stuff from back in the day that former President Bill Clinton didn’t inhale. Not the crappy stuff we’ve got now.

7. Free Butt-Implants for the side-chick and your own reality show — All your side-chicks could have a hind end like Kim Kardashian on the taxpayer dime. Think about it.

8. Dismantling the police If all of the police forces in the United States are so mired in systemic racism, then let’s just ditch them all. Who needs the police to ‘serve and protect’ anyway?
No more cops making sure you’re safe when you appear in public. No one to call when there’s an emergency. If someone breaks into your home, it’s on you. What do you think?

9. Socialism/Communism We’re all equal, right? So why don’t we all have all the things? Let’s go all Robin Hood and make sure that everyone is perfectly equal, after all, that’s what you want, right? If I were you, I’d think this one through carefully. Communism has never worked, and Socialism has been faithfully applied and still fails. (See Venezuela.)

What do you think of this list?

Agree? Disagree?

Let us know in the comments.

 Effeminization Of The American Male

by Doug Giles

Doug Giles, best-selling author of Raising Righteous And Rowdy Girls and Editor-In-Chief of the mega-blog,, has just penned a book he guarantees will kick hipster males into the rarefied air of masculinity. That is, if the man-child will put down his frappuccino; shut the hell up and listen and obey everything he instructs them to do in his timely and tornadic tome. Buy Now:The Effeminization Of The American Male

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