A child rapist was granted joint custody to the child he created. He forcibly raped a 12-year-old girl when he was 18 years old. The rapist threatened to kill the victim, and God only knows why he is out of jail. The victim is now an adult. It is easy to be outraged by the result of this legal decision granting custody. Please restrain your outrage until you understand how we got here. Follow me down this slippery slope. I hope we’ve reached the bottom as we’ve distorted marriage, sex and family over time.
— The social norm was marriage for life.
— A widowed father or mother may remarry.
— Divorce was allowed for causes like violence, addiction, or adultery.
— Divorce laws changed and the state grants unilateral divorce at the convenience of either parent.
— The state becomes the second parent through welfare payments, and we saw young women become single parents by intent.
— Couples became parents through a medical procedure. The goal is to give the adults the child they want rather than guarantee the child the parents they deserve.
— Single women became a parent by a medical procedure.
— We normalize adults having sex with a partner of widely different age. We ignore the disparity of power in the sexual relationship.
— We normalize an adult having sex with children.
— Sex by force is normalized to simply be another sexual lifestyle.
Marriage and sex were eroded through this long progression of incremental steps. It delivered us to the point where a rapist got joint custody of his child. The rapist wanted joint custody to limit his financial obligations, not for the benefit of the child.
Remember that the original purpose of joint custody was supposed to be for the benefit of the child in cases of divorce. Joint parental custody established continued contact between a child and the reluctantly divorced parent. Now, joint custody has become a way for a rapist to continue to demonstrate his power over his victim… and a judge agreed to it. How did we get to that decision?
We said that adults have the right to select any sexual partner they want, for as long as they want, and not a minute longer. That eroded the definition of family. We then extended the rights of adults to choose the child they wanted. We excused adults doing whatever they wanted by claiming that children are “resilient”.
No, children are not “resilient”. Being a single parent, or a rape victim, are not isolated lifestyle choices. These choices have profound and detrimental effects that go on for generations.
I might be called a “hater” for bringing up the inconvenient fact that children grow best in a family with a married mother and father. So be it. Being called names says more about the accuser’s inability to confront the facts than the content of my heart. Pointing out that even heterosexual marriages are not perfect does not justify abusing children. No fault divorce and third-party reproduction are both legal and harmful, and they will continue to be. That is no excuse for our bad behavior.
Please protect your marriage. Marriage is how we join fathers to mothers and fathers to their children. It matters today, and for generations to come. I thank all of you who are doing it right.