Feminist Alert: Siri and Alexa Strike a Blow for the Patriarchy!

Written by John Kirkwood on July 30, 2018

I’m surprised my feminist sisters haven’t taken up the cause, but I have to step in and express my outrage over the insensitivity of Apple and Amazon and their crass promotion of the patriarchy in their choice of digital voice assistants, Siri and Alexa.

Have you noticed how submissive they are? Who do you have running your project development team, Paige Patterson and Roy Moore? And really Apple, an Asian woman? Will the next iteration of Siri bring us our slippers and a Sunday paper?

Note to Apple and Amazon, we didn’t ask you to outsource next generation technology to Don Draper or Russell Moore.

Here’s my solution to smash the patriarchy: We demand that Apple and Amazon give us the option to change digital voice characters. Those who are comfortable living in a Mad Men episode or tethered to a pew at the Southern Baptist Convention can keep Alexa and Siri, but as for me and my house, we want Uncle Charlie from My Three Sons.

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Trigger Warning: Don’t continue reading unless you’re in your safe-space. Confession: I would’ve gone with Hop Sing from Bonanza but didn’t want to display such blatant anti-Asian bigotry. Aunt Bea was tempting, Alice too. Hazel had skills but we are not going to bow to the man on this post.

So, what Television maid, nanny, or man-servant would you choose for a digital voice assistant?

Image: photo credit: methodshop.com Fun Things To Ask Alexa On New Year’s Eve via photopin (license)

John Kirkwood
John Kirkwood is a son of Issachar. He is a Zionist, gun-toting, cigar-smoking, incandescent light bulb-using, 3.2 gallon flushing, fur-wearing, Chinese (MSG) eating, bow-hunting, SUV driving, unhyphenated American man who loves his wife, isn't ashamed of his country and does not apologize for his Christianity. He Pastors Grace Gospel Fellowship Bensenville, where "we the people" seek to honor "In God we Trust." He hosts the Christian wake up call IN THE ARENA every Sunday at noon on AM 1160 and he co-hosts UnCommon Sense, the Christian Worldview with a double shot of espresso on UncommonShow.com. He is the proud homeschooling dad of Konnor, Karter and Payton and the "blessed from heaven above" husband of the Righteous and Rowdy Wendymae.

 

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