Because her unserious enviro policy does not deserve a serious response… it gets Reagan on a raptor instead.
Who says covering the Senate has to be dull as dirt?
The Green New Deal went to a vote. Many on the Left had heartily endorsed the Green New Deal either in fact or in principle — including 2020 hopefuls Amy Klobuchar, Bernie Sanders, Cory Booker, Kirsten Gillibrand, Kamala “Heels-up” Harris, and Elizabeth “1/1024” Warren.
When it came time to stand by their convictions, they got spooked. You can read those details in another of today’s pieces.
But there was another storyline, a much more entertaining one, courtesy of Mike Lee.
Unlike some of my colleagues, I am not immediately afraid of what carbon emissions, unaddressed, might do our environment, our civilization, and our planet.
Unlike others, I am not immediately afraid of what the Green New Deal would do to our economy and our government. After all, it’s not going to pass today.
Rather, after reading the Green New Deal, I am mostly afraid of not being able to get through this speech with a straight face.
For Mr. President, I rise today to consider the Green New Deal with the level of seriousness it deserves.
And so he did.
Some highlights:
This is a picture of former President Ronald Reagan firing a machine gun while riding on the back of a dinosaur.
You will note both the rocket launcher strapped to his back, and the stirring patriotism of the velociraptor holding up the tattered American flag.
Now, critics might quibble with this depiction of the climactic battle of the Cold War, because – while awesome – in real life there was no climactic battle, with or without velociraptors.
The Cold War was won without firing a shot.
But that quibble actually serves our purposes here today, Mr. President.
Because this image has as much to do with overcoming Soviet communism in the 20th century as the Green New Deal has to do with overcoming climate change in the 21st.
The aspirations of the proposal have been called radical and extreme. But mostly they are ridiculous.
There isn’t a single serious idea here. To illustrate, let me highlight two of the most prominent goals produced by the plan’s authors.
He offered creative transportation options for Alaska…
Tauntauns, Mr. President: a beloved species of repto-mammals native to the ice planet of Hoth.
While not as efficient as planes or snow-mobiles, these hairy, bipedal space lizards offer their own unique benefits.
Not only are tauntauns carbon-neutral, but according to one report “a long time ago” and “far, far away,” they may even be fully recyclable for their warmth on especially cold nights.
And for Hawaii…
I draw your attention, Mr. President, to the twenty-foot sea horse he is riding. Under the Green New Deal, this is probably Hawaii’s best bet.
Now, I’m the first to admit that a massive fleet of giant, trained seahorses would be very cool. But we have no idea about scalability or domestic capacity in this sector.
The last thing we want is to ban all airplanes, and only then find out that China or Russia have already established strategic hippocampus programs designed to cut the United States out of the global market.
Mr. President, we must not allow a giant seahorse gap!
Bonus points for the Strangelove Reference, Senator Lee!
The supporters of the Green New Deal want Americans to trust them to reorganize our entire society and economy … when they couldn’t even figure out how to send out the right press release.
The Green New Deal is not a serious policy document because it is not a policy document at all. It’s an aesthetic one.
This resolution is not an agenda of solutions. It’s a token of elite tribal identity – and endorsing it, a public act of piety for the chic and woke.
And on those embarrassing terms, it is already a resounding success.
As Speaker Pelosi herself put it: “The green dream, or whatever they call it, nobody knows what it is, but they’re for it right?”
Right.
That doesn’t mean he doesn’t take climate concerns seriously. He’s just looking somewhere else for answers.
His answers are to be found in the very children Occasional Cortex is publicly afraid to bring into the world.
Watch the whole thing. You will not be disappointed. We didn’t even get into his Sharknado reference.
If Senator Lee made you crack a smile, you’ll probably enjoy this shirt, too.
(Not to mention the reaction it gets from her die-hard devotees.)
You can see it in her eyes, she’s got big plans for America. Big, psychotic plans.
Plans for putting a stake through the heart of industry, in the name of Democratic Socialism. Plans for dismantling ICE and letting illegals stream over our borders. Plans for outlawing cars, and our burgers. Because otherwise, the world will end in 12 years. And you’d better do it, or else, because she’ll tell ya “I’m The Boss!”
She’s not exactly ‘shelf stable’, but she IS an elected representative. She’s Alexandria Occasio-Cortez: The American Psycho!
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