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Store Owner Apologizes For Selling Art Supplies To Jim Carrey — ‘I Had No Idea’

“Had I known the debauched sort of things he would be doing with them, I would have chased him out of my store on Day One!”

Marty McGlishnick, of Nosewhistle, Connecticut, dreamed of one day working for himself and doing what he loved.

“I went to the West Coast and opened up an independent art supply store with a little art studio upstairs. Life just couldn’t get any better. I saw customers come and go, got to know some regulars by name, and even got to see some of their work.

I saw all kinds of amazing work. There was everything from nature scenes with your usual subjects like sunsets or wildfires, to the more edgy and experimental stuff like Vlad’s scenes inspired by the Marquis De Sade, and Franz’s “Twins Series” where he imagined Joseph Mengele’s experiments through the Doctor’s own eyes.”

But Marty’s happy little world came crashing down when he realized who one of his biggest customers was.

“One day someone recognized my regular customer and told me his name was Jim Carrey. I didn’t realize who he was at first, because I was too busy to really watch movies in the nineties. And if he’s done any more recent work, I hadn’t noticed.

Next, I scanned through his Twitter feed and the things that poured out of that man’s sick mind horrified and disgusted me.

To think I even played a role in providing the paint and canvas that unleashed his sick mind on the world. I’m sorry for any part I played in it. Had I known, I would have chased him out of my store right then and there. But now the damage is done. There’s no taking it back.

Honestly, the whole experience has shaken me to the core. I’ve already begun making arrangements to sell the store. I hear he’s going to turn it into a coffee shop.

I think I’ll go back to servicing septic systems, and put this unpleasantness behind me.”

[Editor’s note: It should go without saying that yes, this IS satire]

If you’d like to see some art that DOESN’T suck, don’t waste your time looking at Jim Carrey’s cry for help. Check out our own Big Dawg and Resident Artist, Doug Giles, instead.

His work includes epic wildlife pics (like Kudu Voodoo), stirring historical figures, (both modern and ancient), some kickass Biblical scenes (check out his King David)

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Wes Walker

Wes Walker is the author of "Blueprint For a Government that Doesn't Suck". He has been lighting up since its inception in July of 2012. Follow on twitter: @Republicanuck

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