Projections

Written by Andrew Linn on March 24, 2020

The following projections are satire (not real).

In fact, I got the idea after watching this skit from a 2001 episode of Saturday Night Live:

CBS is projecting that Barack Obama has the Covid-19 (a.k.a. coronavirus).  CBS is also projecting that Michelle Obama has the coronavirus.  So much for their shadow government.  Maybe they should have gone back to Chicago where they belong.

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NBC is projecting that Bill Clinton does not have the coronavirus, but instead has gonorrhea.  Apparently all that philandering has caught up with him.  Meanwhile, NBC is projecting that Hillary Clinton is bipolar.  That would explain her frequent mood swings and outbursts.

ABC is projecting that all four members of the Squad (Congresswomen Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, Rashida Tlaib, and Ayanna Pressley) have contracted head lice.

Fox News is projecting that Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is suffering from dementia, which would explain her incoherent statements.

CNBC is projecting that Joe Biden and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell are also suffering from dementia.

CNN is projecting that Bernie Sanders has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

MSNBC is projecting that California Governor Gavin Newsom has cholera, possibly due to the shortage of toilet paper at the Governor’s Mansion.

BBC World News is projecting that London Mayor Sadiq Khan has the coronavirus and is beginning to experience symptoms.  So much for the claim in the Islamic world that Muslims are immune to the virus.

Fox Business Network is projecting that New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has rabies and that New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio has both the coronavirus and scurvy.  A double whammy for de Blasio — he probably won’t recover.

PBS Newshour is projecting that Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear has malaria, yellow fever, the West Nile Virus, and the Zika Virus.  A quadruple whammy for him.  Odds are he is not going to survive.

Newsmax Media is projecting that Congresswoman Maxine Waters has both typhoid fever and typhus.  Odds are she will not survive either.

The Blaze is projecting that Senator Chuck Schumer has meningitis.

C-Span has just confirmed that Congressman Jerry Nadler has both the African sleeping sickness and the Ebola virus.  Odds are he will not live.

C-Span 2 is confirming that Congressman Adam Schiff is suffering from E. Coli.

C-Span 3 is reporting that Michael Bloomberg and Senator Cory Booker both have the coronavirus.

One America News Network is projecting that Chinese President and Communist Party General Secretary Xi Jinping has the coronavirus and that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un is a paranoid schizophrenic.

As I mentioned earlier, these projections are satire (not real).

Meanwhile, I encourage everyone out there to contact the Chinese Embassy and/or the Chinese Consulates and give those Commie pinkos a piece of your mind regarding this pandemic.

By the way, does anyone out there think Governor Cuomo resembles a mob boss?

 

 

Andrew Linn
Andrew Linn is a member of the Owensboro Tea Party and a former Field Representative for the Media Research Center. An ex-Democrat, he became a Republican one week after the 2008 Presidential Election. He has an M.A. in history from the University of Louisville, where he became a member of the Phi Alpha Theta historical honors society. He has also contributed to examiner.com and Right Impulse Media.

 

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