Every time we think we’ve finally reached the summit of Mount Stupid, another peak rises still higher than the last one. This mask is yet another example.
The panic-porn media conglomerates have done their jobs a little TOO well. People are now afraid of their own shadow.
And this fear has led them to put their trust in all kinds of weird places.
The truly fearful wait for the arrival of a Coronavirus vaccine much the way that religious devotees await the fulfillment of their favorite prophecy, often viewing it with parallel salvific importance. “When X comes, all will be made right in the world again.”
Until that day, masks (and for some reason, gloves) are supposed to be the ‘silver bullet’ that will protect us from a virus. It is a virus that, if caught (except for those among very specific risk groups), will run its course like any other.
Now that we’re moving toward returning to normal functions of society, questions about how to proceed under the pall of current fears linger. They are breeding solutions. Some of them reasonable, some ridiculous.
Comparatively reasonable ones include a wellness check upon arrival (temp taken by laser thermometer), or hand sanitizer stations for those who need it.
Silly ones include bumper tables that look like they should include a river ride after the meal:
Fish Tales, a restaurant in Ocean City, plans to use “bumper style” tables once they reopen in order to keep customers 6 feet apart. Patrons sit in the center of the table, surrounded by a rubber barrier which protects them from others.pic.twitter.com/O8Fb3OsaJG
— Silver Chips Online (@mbhsSCO) May 18, 2020
But the mask-you-can-wear-while-eating is the worst of all possible worlds.
Not only is it absolutely worthless in the function it is supposed to perform, but it looks just as stupid as it sounds, and either it was designed as a joke that someone took seriously, or there really is a sucker born every minute.
Inventors developed a coronavirus mask that lets you eat without taking it off. Squeeze a lever and it opens a slot so you can go at it like Pac-Man. Inventors say the mask lets you can dine out with friends without taking your mask off. https://t.co/pflatss4Cf pic.twitter.com/xo18FMx9c2
— NBC DFW (@NBCDFW) May 19, 2020
The reason it is worthless is pretty simple. The hole fatally compromises the entire function of the mask, rendering it meaningless. Even when it is ‘closed’, air can flow freely through the gaps. You’re better off not wearing one at all.
Here’s one site commenting on the difference between proper valves with and without valves:
Many N95 masks have exhalation valves that provide no filtration of exhaled breath. If you are wearing this type of mask, and you are shedding the virus, you will unknowingly be spreading the virus. Air Purifying Respirators (APRs) are designed to protect the wearer. If you see an exhalation valve-you are looking at a potential disease vector.
If the whole point of wearing a mask is supposedly to ‘keep us from killing grandma’… this mask does nothing to capture any virus you may be shedding into the air we share.
If you’re wearing it to ‘protect’ yourself from catching it, you might as well be wearing the one Babylon Bee photoshopped onto Joe Biden…
… for all the good it will do you.