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A Joe Biden Christmas

Imagine if someone said the following about Joe Biden:

“He is nothing but a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit!”

In case you’re wondering, those are the words that Clark W. Griswold Jr. (portrayed by Chevy Chase) used to describe his boss in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation upon learning that his Christmas bonus was a one-year membership in the jelly-of-the-month club.

Of course, Joe Biden is not cheap, considering he supports an increase in government spending.

Or how about this scenario?

Joe Biden is visited by his guardian angel and shown what America would be like had he never been born.

The economy would be in better shape, including an absence of inflation.  Russia would not have invaded Ukraine.  China and North Korea would not be showing signs of aggression.  The border would be secure.  And America would be much stronger today.

In addition, there would be no Hunter Biden laptop scandal or any other corruption from the Biden family for that matter.

The irony of this scenario is that Joe Biden has never accomplished anything in his life except getting elected to office.  Typical of a career politician.

Or how about this scenario?

Since Joe Biden has been labeled by Fox News contributor Justin Haskins as an Ebenezer Scrooge given the inflation and increased government spending becoming a burden on the American people.  But given the state of the economy, Biden could be considered a reverse Scrooge since he chooses to spend money instead of being stingy.

At any rate, Biden could be visited by the ghosts of his first wife Neilia and daughter Naomi, who tell him that he will suffer eternal torment if he doesn’t change his ways (just like Jacob Marley warned Scrooge in A Christmas Carol). They then inform him that he will be visited by three spirits.

The Ghost of Christmas Past gives Biden a summary of his life — the various lies he has told, his outbursts at reporters, his plagiarism in college, the corruption he has engaged in, his life as a career politician (and a crooked one for that matter).

The Ghost of Christmas Present shows Biden the current state of America (and the world for that matter):  the rising crime rates in American cities, the suffering in Ukraine, the inflation, and how Christmas has become a dismal affair for many people.  At the same Biden is shown how the American people refuse to give in to his tyranny, as well as being shown that House Republicans are going to call him out on many issues, including his son Hunter.

The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come (a.k.a. Future) gives Biden a glimpse of the future:  the possibility of impeachment, turmoil across the globe, a stalemate within the American government.  Biden is then informed that Hunter dies of a drug overdose.  Joe Biden is even shown his own tombstone and is informed that he dies of a heart attack while in office.  He is then shown what awaits him beyond the grave — the fires of hell.

Such visions compel Biden to change his ways.

But the best way to deal with Biden is the following prayer:

“Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.  And forgive Joe Biden.  He knows not what he does.”

Or does he?

I wonder how Joe Biden would react to these scenarios.



Andrew Linn

Andrew Linn is a member of the Owensboro Tea Party and a former Field Representative for the Media Research Center. An ex-Democrat, he became a Republican one week after the 2008 Presidential Election. He has an M.A. in history from the University of Louisville, where he became a member of the Phi Alpha Theta historical honors society. He has also contributed to and Right Impulse Media.