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HEY MEN: Should Paper Straws Come With A Warning For What They Can Do To Testicles?

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Are you so committed to serving the eco-gods that you’re willing to Lance Armstrong yourself to please them?

You WERE told that paper straws come with health risks, weren’t you?

You weren’t?

How do you feel about a little testicular cancer as your reward for saving the planet? Do you think risking your balls is a fair trade?

It’s not the ONLY health risk, but it was the first one to grab MY attention. I have a feeling it will grab yours, too.

(Attention, I mean.)

It all started with some story about a turtle with a straw up its nose. Before you know it, we’re being given paper straws and plant-based cutlery.

Long-lasting “forever chemicals,” which are potentially harmful to people, wildlife and the environment, were found in 18 out of 20 brands of paper straws, Belgian researchers found.
A growing number of countries, including the U.K. and Belgium, have banned the sale of single-use plastic products, including drinking straws, and plant-based versions have become popular alternatives.
In the first analysis of its kind in Europe, and only the second in the world, the researchers tested 39 brands of straws for the group of synthetic chemicals known as poly- and perfluoroalkyl substances (PFAS).
PFAS were found in the majority of the straws tested and were most common in those made from paper and bamboo, the study, published in the peer-reviewed journal Food Additives and Contaminants, found. — Seattle Times

Yes, even the plant-based brands tested positive for ‘forever chemicals’.  Stainless steel ones, obviously, did not.

Most of us would have our eyes glaze over at a mention of ‘Poly- and perfluoroalkyl substances’. But ‘forever chemicals’? They build up in the body over time. That gives us something we can wrap our imagination around.

So does ‘testicular cancer’.

They were found in the majority of the straws tested and were most common in those made from paper and bamboo. The only PFAS-free staws were stainless steel ones.

PFAS chemicals are potentially harmful to people, wildlife and the environment.

They break down very slowly over time persisting over thousands of years and have been associated with a number of health problems, including lower response to vaccines, lower birth weight, thyroid disease, increased cholesterol levels, liver damage, kidney cancer and testicular cancer.

They are used to make everyday products, from outdoor clothing to non-stick pans, resistant to water, heat and stains. — Metro

If you’re talking to some soyboy leftist who thinks masculinity is toxic anyway and testicular cancer is no big deal… you can always pique his attention with some other part of the story.

How about ‘lower response to vaccines’?

Check out ClashRadio for more wit and wisdom from ClashDaily’s Big Dawg. While you’re at it, here’s his latest book:

If Masculinity Is ‘Toxic’, Call Jesus Radioactive

Much of the Left loathes masculinity and they love to paint Jesus as a non-offensive bearded woman who endorses their agenda. This book blows that nonsense all to hell. From the stonking laptop of bestselling author, Doug Giles, comes a new book that focuses on Jesus’ overt masculine traits like no other books have heretofore. It’s informative, bold, hilarious, and scary. Giles has concluded, after many years of scouring the scripture that, If Masculinity Is ‘Toxic’, Call Jesus Radioactive. 

Wes Walker

Wes Walker is the author of "Blueprint For a Government that Doesn't Suck". He has been lighting up since its inception in July of 2012. Follow on twitter: @Republicanuck