Dear Muslim Rioters,

Please keep rioting! Yes, I said it. You heard me correctly … Please keep storming American embassies throughout the Middle East. Please keep murdering innocent people, U.S. officials, and dragging them through the streets. Oh, and while you’re at it, please keep burning American flags and chanting “Death to America,” “Death to Israel”, “Death to Christians,” “Death to (fill in the blank).” Please keep rioting and spewing your so keenly evolved ignorance in front of U.S. embassies in Europe, too. Please! Oh, and please keep forcing police in Sudan and other Muslim countries to shoot you as you attempt to storm and burn down our embassies (that’s the best part!). In essence, please keep bringing your portion of the world to a total standstill over some shoestring budgeted, crass, low-class, obscure piece of cinematic vitriol called a “movie.” Please!

What you are doing as you react with such perpetual virulence to this “Mohammad film” –which NO ONE has seen or would have known of, by the way– is exactly what so many of us want to see. We want to see it because we need to believe it; that Islam is, and can only be a religion of violence; for those suffering a severe and terminal retardation of spiritual maturity and intellect; a retrograde way of believing and living, completely incompatible with the modern world.

As you burn American flags and rush into our embassies with Molotov cocktails in hand, so do you rush to live up to the very stereotype the would’ve-never-been-known “Mohammad film” and the Danish cartoons of 2006 were meant to portray, and then some. Have you decided this is what your religion and cultures equate to? This is truly what you wish to be? Please make your decision, Muslim rioters –millions of would-be Muslim-haters around the world are counting on you!

Also, Dear Muslim Non-Rioters,

Is this who you want representing you the world-over? Are you really content to be viewed as grubby, infantile, Cro-Magnonic, violent hate-mongers, like those who are rioting and protesting with signs reading “Wait For The Real 9/11”? How much more suspicion, bigotry, and ignorance are you willing to let this radical segment of your religion bring upon you (as if it hasn’t disgraced you enough already)? How much longer are you going to let the Muslim Brotherhood, Hamas, al-Qaeda, the Mullah Omars, the Muqtada al-Sadrs, the Ahmadinejads, and blazing-eyed fundamentalists speak for you? How much longer will you allow the grains of truth of the stereotype that initially spawned the 2006 Danish cartoons and today’s “Mohammad documentary” to speak for all of Islam? Are you ever going to speak up for yourselves and against this cancerous element now devouring your religion? I wonder. Do you all have the guts?

And speaking of guts, to our own media here in the U.S.: do you all have the guts to cover moderate or even liberal Muslims (if such a thing exists) who honestly abhor these nihilistic outpourings of murderous, zombie-like idiocy, or would your precious ratings and readership drop too much?

Ultimately, however, it is up to the “other Muslim world” to decide if the people killing, storming, looting and rioting currently represent who you all really are, or are a cancerous tumor that needs to be rooted out and destroyed. It is up to you, fellow Muslims. …Oh, and if you ever do decide to speak, make sure to speak loudly – the rest of us can’t hear much over all the rioting.