Area Student Arrested for Making a ‘Tornado in a Bottle’

by Patrick Kane
Clash Daily Guest Contributor

hurr project 2(Following is Satire.)

Tuesday afternoon, a local elementary school student, Peter Collins, was arrested for bringing a “tornado in a bottle” to school for the annual Denysin Elementary science fair. Authorities were alerted after it was reported that a student had what appeared to be an “atmospheric weapon of destruction” on school grounds.

The school was quickly evacuated, as the Denver bomb squad was called in to deal with collecting and neutralizing Collins’ second grade science fair project. Teachers close to Collins noted that Collins was a, “stellar student’ and they were, “shocked to learn someone like that could be capable of doing something so dangerous”. One witness remarked that Collins’ project looked,  “normal” until Collins shook it up to reveal its true “sinister and offensive form”.

According to Collins’ parents, the project was nothing more than water mixed with dish soap and blue dye that creates a, “tornado like spiral” when shaken. However, many area parents are not so convinced of the project’s innocent nature.

Mother of a student in Peter Collins’ class, Angela Surname, told reporters that she, “didn’t know how plans for such diabolical technology could get into the hands of children” and that she and all of her book club agree that the internet and, “whichever top-forty musician that wears the most black” are to blame.

Many parents have demanded the school district take, “immediate disciplinary action” against Collins. Several students in Collins’ class have reportedly told the school’s administration that they are, “too distraught “ by the incident to do homework or participate in class.

These complaints by students have resulted in many parents demanding that free after school counseling be offered to any students in the district who were, “disturbed by Collins’ science fair project”.

Denysin Elementary School Principal, Dan Johnson, noted that the school has a strict, “zero tolerance policy on any and all atmospheric simulations” since the infamous 2003 incident involving a baking soda volcano in which two students’ shoes and pants were temporarily stained.
Principal Johnson told reporters that seven year old Collins will be charged with, “possession and discharge of a weapon on school grounds, discharging a destructive device, and child abuse” all of which carry a minimum of ten years prison time.

When asked about the severity of Collins’ punishment, Principal Johnson told reporters, “We don’t allow toy guns in our schools, why should we allow a replication of something more destructive than a gun”.

  • ijohnc1

    Colorado has become a haven for the secular progressives, the mere idea that the stupes would put a seven year old in jail for ten years is not only stupid, but should make the school authorities criminals.

  • ijohnc1

    Colorado has become a haven for the secular progressives, the mere idea that the stupes would put a seven year old in jail for ten years is not only stupid, but should make the school authorities criminals.

  • ijohnc1

    Colorado has become a haven for the secular progressives, the mere idea that the stupes would put a seven year old in jail for ten years is not only stupid, but should make the school authorities criminals.

  • Brown Sugar

    This is so freaking unbelievable . What is wrong with that school and those people ???? I think they all should be locked up in a mental institution. This child did nothing wrong. So sorry he upset the freaks in his town and school. This is just out and out stupid. These people are the same type of people that would have someone thrown in prison for smoking a cigarette or marijuana , while they turn a blind eye to the child rapist and murders.

  • Dave G

    The science project is totally harmless. The tornado-like shape within the water takes shape during the transference of air to the top side and the heavier water to the bottom side. There is absolutely nothing dangerous about this simple lab experiment. The teachers and parents that object to such a device should be horse whipped for being so disgustingly stupid.

  • Dave G

    The same thing takes place every time you pull the plug in the shower or flush the toilet. Idiots.

  • haxprocess

    Am I the only one that read the bit about this being satire?

    • Dasrge

      No…your not. However, knowing how the liberal idiots in our school system have a habit of going bananas whenever a student points a hair dryer at another student and get expelled, I had to research a little to see if there wasn’t some small truth somewhere in it. GUYS…the beginning and ending states this is SATIRE.

    • Dasrge

      No…your not. However, knowing how the liberal idiots in our school system have a habit of going bananas whenever a student points a hair dryer at another student and get expelled, I had to research a little to see if there wasn’t some small truth somewhere in it. GUYS…the beginning and ending states this is SATIRE.

    • Dasrge

      No…your not. However, knowing how the liberal idiots in our school system have a habit of going bananas whenever a student points a hair dryer at another student and get expelled, I had to research a little to see if there wasn’t some small truth somewhere in it. GUYS…the beginning and ending states this is SATIRE.

    • Hotnike

      Heaven help us. I am 70 years old and I did this experiment for my 7th grade science project. Surprisingly, I was not arrested!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even the parents of the children in this school are dumbed-down stupid. Apparently these are the parents that are voting these stupid and liberal law makers into office. SAD!!!!!! I sub-teach and I know first hand that there are administrators in the schools that have no knowledge of basic chemistry. No, this article may be satire but this ‘stuff’ is really happening.

      • bob machaffy

        We did an experiment with coke and beach, ate the paint off mom’s porch steps ;-) and got a spanking to boot. oops!

      • bob machaffy

        We did an experiment with coke and beach, ate the paint off mom’s porch steps ;-) and got a spanking to boot. oops!

      • bob machaffy

        We did an experiment with coke and beach, ate the paint off mom’s porch steps ;-) and got a spanking to boot. oops!

    • Hotnike

      Heaven help us. I am 70 years old and I did this experiment for my 7th grade science project. Surprisingly, I was not arrested!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even the parents of the children in this school are dumbed-down stupid. Apparently these are the parents that are voting these stupid and liberal law makers into office. SAD!!!!!! I sub-teach and I know first hand that there are administrators in the schools that have no knowledge of basic chemistry. No, this article may be satire but this ‘stuff’ is really happening.

    • alan_1969

      I was looking for the satire part. I was hoping it was satire.

    • alan_1969

      I was looking for the satire part. I was hoping it was satire.

    • alan_1969

      I was looking for the satire part. I was hoping it was satire.

  • haxprocess

    Am I the only one that read the bit about this being satire?

  • texas57

    saw the satire……it could happen in one of “those” states.

  • texas57

    saw the satire……it could happen in one of “those” states.

  • texas57

    saw the satire……it could happen in one of “those” states.

  • CINDY

    good one…maybe this article will make people realize how stupid things have gotten in this country…

  • CINDY

    good one…maybe this article will make people realize how stupid things have gotten in this country…

  • CINDY

    good one…maybe this article will make people realize how stupid things have gotten in this country…

  • Richard Bates

    Funniest damn thing I have read in a long time. GOOD JOB to the writer of that hilarious story!!! It’s a good thing though that hasn’t happened “YET “!!!! What will be done remains to be seen, sadly.

  • Richard Bates

    Funniest damn thing I have read in a long time. GOOD JOB to the writer of that hilarious story!!! It’s a good thing though that hasn’t happened “YET “!!!! What will be done remains to be seen, sadly.

  • Richard Bates

    Funniest damn thing I have read in a long time. GOOD JOB to the writer of that hilarious story!!! It’s a good thing though that hasn’t happened “YET “!!!! What will be done remains to be seen, sadly.

  • http://nyctalking.com/ Angel Rodriguez

    Dude.. What the hey man. I was reading this getting furious, ready to go on a rampage, until I read that last line. Had me going..

    • Thomas Sharp

      Following is Satire did it for me.
      Funny that some liberals were claiming that Republicans now had the ability to make tornadoes.

    • Thomas Sharp

      Following is Satire did it for me.
      Funny that some liberals were claiming that Republicans now had the ability to make tornadoes.

      • http://nyctalking.com/ Angel Rodriguez

        Don’t you know? We can make tornadoes! It’s in the constitution! The dems are trying to take away that right!

      • http://nyctalking.com/ Angel Rodriguez

        Don’t you know? We can make tornadoes! It’s in the constitution! The dems are trying to take away that right!

      • http://nyctalking.com/ Angel Rodriguez

        Don’t you know? We can make tornadoes! It’s in the constitution! The dems are trying to take away that right!

  • http://nyctalking.com/ Angel Rodriguez

    Dude.. What the hey man. I was reading this getting furious, ready to go on a rampage, until I read that last line. Had me going..

  • http://nyctalking.com/ Angel Rodriguez

    Dude.. What the hey man. I was reading this getting furious, ready to go on a rampage, until I read that last line. Had me going..

  • Proudamerican

    Wow the most basic science project that has been around for many years is a sinister and diabolical thing now. Wonder what they think about the homemade volcano.

  • Proudamerican

    Wow the most basic science project that has been around for many years is a sinister and diabolical thing now. Wonder what they think about the homemade volcano.

  • Proudamerican

    Wow the most basic science project that has been around for many years is a sinister and diabolical thing now. Wonder what they think about the homemade volcano.

  • henrey joe billybob

    this is bullshit its a simulation of a tornado, an experiment is causing that much of an outrage.All i can say is parents need too quit coddling your kids whip there asses when they mess up quit sugar coating everything and i find the school system and goverment want stupid people too control,because if you have a brain your a threat to there agenda

  • Robert S Moulds

    It is just a water funnel and the local authorities though it was a weather control device. They been watching too much TV, believing in conspiracies and reading comic books. All of is a shame the boy had scientific curiosity and that in part keeps us out the dark ages.

  • Robert S Moulds

    It is just a water funnel and the local authorities though it was a weather control device. They been watching too much TV, believing in conspiracies and reading comic books. All of is a shame the boy had scientific curiosity and that in part keeps us out the dark ages.

  • Robert S Moulds

    It is just a water funnel and the local authorities though it was a weather control device. They been watching too much TV, believing in conspiracies and reading comic books. All of is a shame the boy had scientific curiosity and that in part keeps us out the dark ages.

  • localnet

    This reads like a story out of the Onion… If we are to this point in this nation, I don’t think even God can help us.

  • Ottosapricot

    It’s June1st not APRIL 1st RIGHT!!!!

  • bobj

    This experiment was shown on The Weather Channel (TWC) and was described as “SAFE”- I guess schools now believe knowledge is dangerous

  • PASSTHEWORD

    A perfect rendering of the left’s over reaction in most cases. Satire for now. Reality in the future.

  • American Parent

    When I was in school this was a project that almost all the kids did and we all though it was fun. It is not a weapon and nothing in it is dangerous. What is going on in our schools and law enforcement. Give me a break. It is was science project and nothing less. The school board and the school administration should be replaced immediately for being idiots. All chargers against the child/student and family should be dropped. And for you parents who think your child was upset…..I bet they watch more destructive things on your TV. Grow up people.

  • American Parent

    When I was in school this was a project that almost all the kids did and we all though it was fun. It is not a weapon and nothing in it is dangerous. What is going on in our schools and law enforcement. Give me a break. It is was science project and nothing less. The school board and the school administration should be replaced immediately for being idiots. All chargers against the child/student and family should be dropped. And for you parents who think your child was upset…..I bet they watch more destructive things on your TV. Grow up people.

  • American Parent

    When I was in school this was a project that almost all the kids did and we all though it was fun. It is not a weapon and nothing in it is dangerous. What is going on in our schools and law enforcement. Give me a break. It is was science project and nothing less. The school board and the school administration should be replaced immediately for being idiots. All chargers against the child/student and family should be dropped. And for you parents who think your child was upset…..I bet they watch more destructive things on your TV. Grow up people.

  • stonemike

    Imbeciles of the left, overwhelming the “sheep of political correctness!’ Stupid, but certainly not out of the realm of American leftist insanity!

  • stonemike

    Imbeciles of the left, overwhelming the “sheep of political correctness!’ Stupid, but certainly not out of the realm of American leftist insanity!

  • Bill

    These morons are the reason our country has gone to Hell.

  • Bill

    These morons are the reason our country has gone to Hell.

  • Bill

    These morons are the reason our country has gone to Hell.

  • ocarol500

    SATIRE — please tell me this is satire — unless it happened in Liberal Maryland and then I would believe it really happened.

  • ocarol500

    SATIRE — please tell me this is satire — unless it happened in Liberal Maryland and then I would believe it really happened.

  • ocarol500

    SATIRE — please tell me this is satire — unless it happened in Liberal Maryland and then I would believe it really happened.

  • George2

    STUPIDITY has over come the masses. A simple showing of a NATURAL phenomena…and the kid is…a TERRORIST? A…DANGER to SOCIETY? Wow…if he had shaken a bottle of soda water and opened it, he wouldn’t even have had a hearing!
    The…SIMPLE MINDED are being lead by the STUPID and loud ” liberal, communistic destroyers of the commons sense world.

  • Combat Veteran Seabee

    What the hell are we raising today you idiots? He’s a kid making water look like a tornado, the only dangerous thing there was the idiot wimped out parents that are to damn afraid of even their own shadow. Get an effin grip people.

  • Combat Veteran Seabee

    What the hell are we raising today you idiots? He’s a kid making water look like a tornado, the only dangerous thing there was the idiot wimped out parents that are to damn afraid of even their own shadow. Get an effin grip people.

  • Combat Veteran Seabee

    What the hell are we raising today you idiots? He’s a kid making water look like a tornado, the only dangerous thing there was the idiot wimped out parents that are to damn afraid of even their own shadow. Get an effin grip people.

  • Ncrdbl1

    How many actually were buying into the story before reading it completely? LOL who ever was the brains behind the story has shown just how idiotic some of school policies really are in the hand of idiots.

  • Ncrdbl1

    How many actually were buying into the story before reading it completely? LOL who ever was the brains behind the story has shown just how idiotic some of school policies really are in the hand of idiots.

  • Ncrdbl1

    How many actually were buying into the story before reading it completely? LOL who ever was the brains behind the story has shown just how idiotic some of school policies really are in the hand of idiots.

  • Tx Granny

    I am so glad someone pointed out that this is satire as I was getting very angry!

  • Tx Granny

    I am so glad someone pointed out that this is satire as I was getting very angry!

  • Tx Granny

    I am so glad someone pointed out that this is satire as I was getting very angry!

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