In Syria, Urkel and Lurch Plan to Wage a ‘Cojones Campaign’

Written by Jeannie DeAngelis on August 28, 2013

Nonetheless, the hope is that the ‘Cojones Campaign’ will be waged for no more than two days. The duo plan to involve “sea-launched cruise missile – or, possibly, long-range bombers – striking military targets not directly related to Syria’s chemical weapons arsenal.”

Some off-the-record advice is in order here: One reliable “wag the dog” option would be to find and blow up an aspirin factory.

According to an official, who spoke about the “presidential deliberations on the condition of anonymity”, said that “We’re actively looking at the various legal angles that would inform a decision,” as to whether or not they plan to wag the…er, bomb Syria. Either way, the same missile-armed U.S. warships that couldn’t dispatch air support to Libya on September 11, 2012 to save the lives of four Americans are already positioned in the Mediterranean to fulfill the Urkel/Lurch mission to reprimand Syria with a time-out.

Cultivating a pre-Iraqi war sense of déjà vu and in an effort to justify possibly starting a third world war, Kerry said that Syrian forces had engaged in a “cynical attempt to cover up” their activities by delaying the arrival of the U.N. team and by continually bombing the affected zone.

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Without acknowledging that the nerve gas/WMDs allegedly missing from Iraq could be what Syria, if they’re to blame, is using on its own people, spokespersons for Lurch and Urkel maintain that only the Syrian government possesses chemical weapons and the rockets to deliver them.

In 2007, Illinois Senator Barack Obama, who thus far as president has done a magnificent job of uniting the world, accused the Bush administration of having “squandered” a chance to unite the world after the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. The guy currently preparing to rain missiles down on Syria said that Bush’s effort “was based on old ideologies and outdated strategies, a determination to fight a 21st-century struggle with a 20th-century mindset.”

At the time, Barack “Bluster and Bombast” Obama offered his total lack of expertise as the lofty answer to Bush’s supposed ineptitude, saying, “This is going to require a new spirit, not of bluster and bombast, but of quiet confidence and sober intelligence, a spirit of care and renewed competence” – neither of which he has.

Five years later, Barack Obama is eager to inflict further chaos on the planet. In the meantime, what’s undeniable is not whether Assad gassed his own people, but that Barack “Chicago, lock up your daughters. Mt. Urkel is about to erupt!” Obama and his swift-boating cohort “Follooooooow Meeeeeeeee” John “Lurch” Kerry are two bungling boobs who are proving to be downright dangerous to the entire world.

Image: Coat of arms of Syria; author: Tonyjeff, based on national symbol, with the help of AnonMoos; public domain

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Jeannie DeAngelis
Jeannie DeAngelis, born in Brooklyn, New York and raised on Long Island, is a wife, mother and grandmother to three grandsons. She has written for politically-themed articles for conservative websites like American Thinker and Breitbart, emphasizing current events as well as the full range of liberal hypocrisy in politics and Hollywood, and pro-life issues. Jeannie publishes a blog at


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