JTP 2016: What Joe the Plumber Would Do As President

Published on June 12, 2014

Joe “The Plumber” Wurzlebacher has some thoughts on what he would do as President of the United States. He lists some of his common sense ideas below – make sure to forward to anyone looking to run for office:

Since the Executive Branch no longer answers to Congress, pays scant attention to the Separation of Powers, writes or rewrites legislation willy-nilly, enforces laws selectively and pretty much rules at will now – my Presidency is going to be filled with plenty of kick-ass, common sense solutions!

Here we go:

First, you better damn well believe I would take care of our Veterans! Out with the waiting and in with the best care the private sector health industry can give them.

I would immediately instruct my Attorney General to bring criminal charges on the people running the Veterans Administration. Everyone involved in the waiting list scandal will be rotting in jail for a long damn time.

This would happen so quickly, I’d just barely have time to repeal ObamaCare and replace it with an affordable, competitive, market-based system that lets you buy your own insurance, with your choice of coverage, across State lines, keep your plan if you like it, choose and keep your doctor..

… You know, all the things President Obama lied to you about!

The War on Terror will be simplified: The leaders of the next country that harbors, finances or fosters terrorism against the United States or our allies will be rained down on by thousands of smart bombs until they send a letter back saying they get the picture. Any collateral damage upon the innocent will be on their hands, regardless of what the NY Times or Huffington Post reports. Make sense?

Seals would be dispatched to Qatar to kill without prejudice, the five terrorist leaders just traded out of GitMo for Bowe Bergdahl. The operation would never be disclosed to anyone and the US would deny any involvement in their sudden, violent and mysterious disappearance. The bodies ideally would never be found and the Seals never identified by idiots like Joe Biden and Barack Obama so they could never be targeted and murdered later. Yeah, I just said that.

Next: I’m going to force the Washington Redskins to change their name to something a lot less repulsive, like the “Maryland Redskins”. That’s where they play anyway.

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