CHRISTIAN MOVIES SUCK: Why Are Christian Movies So Painfully Bad?

Like soup in a bad restaurant… when it comes to the arts… the Christian brain is better left unstirred.

As the world gleefully awaited the release of Fifty Shades of Grey, Evangelical Christians were awaiting … well, it would be inaccurate to call Old Fashioned the Christian version of the film, but it’s definitely meant to be the Christian response.

You get the feeling that Old Fashioned owes its entire existence to Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s as if the Christian movie industry pays attention to mainstream cinema just long enough to see what it’s up to, before raising funds to do slightly different versions of the same thing, only with less famous actors, more Jesus, and rocking chairs. (There are always rocking chairs.)

Any person even vaguely familiar with Evangelical subcultures will recognize the trend of copying and sanitizing whatever pop culture is doing. This trend belies a certain impulse within Evangelical Christians to separate the entire world into two categories: sheep and goats, wheat and chaff.

A good deal of contemporary Christian art is predicated on the sacred/secular divide: As Christian film critic Alissa Wilkinson noted, “Christians, and evangelicals in particular, have been really, really prolific in making pop culture products that parallel what’s going on in mainstream cultural production.”

If the chart were around today, it might say “If you like YouTube, you’ll love GodTube,” or “If you like Twitter, you’ll love Gospelr.” Or “If you like — and/or abhor — S&M sex, then you’ll love this movie about chastity.” These artistic replacements are intended to satisfy the Christian’s cravings for the secular, harmful version.

The end result is that the Christian product seems like a knock-off, a cheap alternative.

Read more: VOX

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