FOR FAMILY’S SAKE–2015: a Domestic Violence Free Year

Written by Kevin Fobbs on January 8, 2015

If you are a woman who has suffered from domestic violence, you may have just managed to get through the past Christmas holiday season without the beatings, threats, and hidden black eyes and cracked ribs because of your spouse or boyfriend was on his best behavior. But that short respite from domestic violent episodes is not permanent. The violence which greets far too many woman may have had more with not already resumed and only temporarily took a holiday due large to fear of being caught during family visits than with any real intention in stopping.

One of the problems that millions of women suffer through often in silence is the seemingly inescapable demeaning verbal torture that numbs them, once the violent acts have just ceased. In each instance, the violence is followed by violent verbal reprimands and/or rationales that typically place the blame upon the victim and not upon the perpetrator, because the man refuses to take responsibility for his actions.

Women may see an escalation in violence after the holidays, because the feigned smiles, the outward expressions of love that a spouse may show his wife or female loved one during the 12 days of Christmas, is over. Now the true reality surfaces once again. The reasons that often fuel these violent outbursts are according to the National Institute of Justice brought about typically by a man’s inability to deal with financial strains or job problems. Or it could be quite simple, that the man is a certified bully.

Once this violent behavior is coupled with heavy alcohol consumption, the severity of the domestic violent acts escalate which creates a near perfect domestic violence tsunami. Stress may often be the trigger, but it’s the lack of respect and need for complete domination that is at the core of the violent behavior.

The challenge in this New Year has to be a sobering examination by women to make a decision to not allow the beatings, violence and destructive actions to continue. It must stop, for the sake for oneself as well as in saving the children or other loved ones from being victimized over and over again. After all, what is the purpose for a woman to keep fooling herself that the next time she will leave, when the next time might be the instance when he absolutely loses it completely and his actions end up in her fatality?

Of course there is the idea that the violence and pain will stop eventually because the victim convinces herself that he can change or that she really loves him. But love is not based on violence and 2015 will only be a replica of the year before and the year before that. The Bible was very clear about what love for a wife must be. It stresses, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” Ephesians 5:25

Even though the New Year is little over a week old, it does not mean that making a resolution to stop your man’s violence toward you is too late to start the year off with a resolution. Women who are continuing victims of this abhorrent behavior have to ask themselves one basic question: How much is your life and your selfhood worth?

Remember God created everyone with the idea that they would embody his values and his principles. Love is not true if a man decides that beating, hurting and demeaning his significant other is his entitlement and his prerogative. No such prerogative exists in the Bible nor does should a woman accept this perverted idea.

In actuality this type of abusive behavior by a man toward a woman is a direct affront to God. A man may even claim moral piety while engaging in immoral physical abuse and physical and mental destruction of a wife, girl friend, or loved one. In the end the female suffers and the family suffers because it lives under an umbrella of constant fear.

Launch this New Year with Christ’s love as the guide, not the guilt-tripping utterances of an abusive husband or boyfriend. All females deserve to be shown respect and to have a man tell her otherwise by saying it must be earned is living with an ideal that has its home and shelter with the approving tent of Satan rather than with Christ. Couples must show respect to each other in order to gain respect from one another. “Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

This year , if you are a victim of domestic violence, don’t offer another chance; don’t explain away his mood or temper; don’t blame yourself; just get away from him. Your life may depend upon it.

Men have a responsibility as well to denounce domestic abuse so that their sons, nephews, brothers, and grandsons will grow up to be respectful men, responsible men…in other words: Real Men of biblical principle.
This year do something for yourself or someone you love: when you see signs of domestic violence in your own life or in that of others contact: National Domestic Violence Hotline:, or call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1-800 -787-3224 (TTY).

In 2015 get help before it’s too late.



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Kevin Fobbs
Kevin Fobbs has more than 35 years of wide-ranging experience as a community and tenant organizer, Legal Services outreach program director, public relations consultant, business executive, gubernatorial and presidential appointee, political advisor, widely published writer, and national lecturer. Kevin is co-chair and co-founder of AC-3 (American-Canadian Conservative Coalition) that focuses on issues on both sides of the border between the two countries.